Wednesday, December 31, 2008 ♥
School is starting next week and I am so super sick right now. Poor me.. ):
Yesterday...
12.00 am: I went offline then jumps on bed to cry my eyes out. Haizz..
1.00am: Turning around on bed coz I can’t find a comfortable position and was having major headache.
2.00am: I was reminded of the last conversation and wanted to call Noorul but don’t feel like disturbing her.
3.00am: Migraine was getting worse and I am not able to sleep so I took my pillow and blanket to the living room and tried to sleep there, but, no use. Actually I ran to the kitchen toilet to throw up everything I consumed that day. I mean it… EVERYTHING… From my breakfast to my supper.. Then I took a sip of the chocolate milk to get rid of the vomit taste that is lingering in my throat.
4.00am: Ran to the toilet again to throw up the milk. It was funny though coz I only take a sip but I vomited a lot. Doesn’t make sense but yeah whatever. I lay down on the mattress then remembered that you shouldn’t consume any dairy products when vomiting.
5.00am: I am still unable to sleep due to the migraine.
6.00am: Still can’t sleep and stomach was hurting so badly. I felt like throwing up again but it wouldn’t come out.
7.00am: Dad woke up to go to work. After seeing him off and telling mum that I am sick, she gave me this pill then the next moment, I ran to the toilet again… Vomiting… She called my aunt who is a nurse and my dad telling them that I am sick.
8.00am: I am still unable to sleep and was feeling so weak already.
9.00am: Mum went out with aunties to the market and had breakfast I guess.
12.00am: Mum came back with aunty. I went to bathe then lay down on bed feeling super dizzy. My vision went blank actually when I was walking from the toilet to my bedroom. Lucky I didn’t hit into anything.. Haha.. I really can’t see anything lorhs.. My vision was super unclear and was having super major migraine. I don’t think I was walking straight also. Then aunt suggest letting me drink cold tin fruit syrup. That helps… Then she bought the $1 ice-cream for me. Haha.. There is still half of it in the fridge coz I was already super tired to finish it.
Time went past and the only thing I do was lay down. Then mum cooked for me dinner and feed me too.. Teehees Xp… When dad arrived home at around 9.30pm, they (dad, mum, sis) send me to the 24hr clinic. The doctor gave me Dimenate (vomiting/giddiness), Veragel/Meclosil (gastric) and Lacteol Fort Cap (good bacteria). I was not feeling good after the visit so mum gave me Dimenate immediately. Dad drove us home as fast he could but it wasn’t quick enough. I couldn’t wait to climb up the stairs back home or take the lift (I live on the 2nd level). I threw up at the drain next to the lift.
Today seem fine. I still have the migraines and my stomach is still down but I haven’t been vomiting. Fever is still there. I hope I get well soon if not then I am not able to go to the ‘Paint A House, Light A Heart’ Project this Saturday and Sunday and school on Monday.. ):
Hasta La Vista
listened to the sweet sound @ 2:30 PM
Monday, December 29, 2008 ♥
Specially for you~
When I woke up, the feeling that I once thought was gone came back. The hurt… The lost… The wants… It took me down just like that, bringing back all the memories and everything that goes with it.
Everything was normal, everything was fine. The day was going through its ups and downs. People are running their life here and there. And I was also battling my way through what I call rules and orders. I can’t afford to fight it anymore. No one understands and acknowledge me of going further. I was sitting down watching the world past in front of me. Then there was a hand holding mine hard, giving me assurance. And I felt safe, felt loved. Then there was a peck on my cheek. I smiled and turned to the person, in my heart knowing who that person was and was totally sure it was you. I want that person to be you. But, it wasn’t you… The person was familiar… A person from my past… The sorrow that I felt was unbearable, my hopes were crushed… I denied… I lied… But it is still the same person, still not you...
Does this mean that you are gone forever? Not even there when I need you? Ever?
Now im drowned with others and not you in sight. Im drown with people that I don’t want to be with but you are no longer here to save me. I wish to have the last of you, something that I can take to carry on my life. I need your shoulders and your hugs to cry on.
That’s the dream I dreamt.
ps. Mummy pls don't let me do that.. Pls... I know you meant well when you ask me to give my pain to you, but im not going to do that. Im keeping the pain to myself. It has hurt me alot. Im not going to let you feel it. No!!!
Hasta La Vista
listened to the sweet sound @ 11:36 PM
Saturday, December 27, 2008 ♥
The trip to Sentosa was super duper fun!!!!!!! I planned to post something about it but I wasn’t in the mood. Maybe next time yeah.. Also I lost the best picture of the trip. Haizz...
I am so stressed up right now. Whatever I do, I kept thinking about it. It is so freaking me out, Compressed Fracture L1. This is what has been bothering me. Mum talked to her client that is expert on this just now and she said it is very painful and if not given proper care, I may be paralyzed. It is the exact same thing as getting hit by a speeding car. Then my mum was like “Ohh..You are so strong. How can you bear this pain for 2 months? Lucky we send you for an X-ray, if not you are going to bear this pain for only God knows how long.” Haizz… I seriously think that all of them are just exaggerating. I don’t feel the pain like that…Or is it just that I’ve been feeling and keeping in a lot of pain to myself and this has caused me to feel this way? But I know that since that fall, there is a thing bulging out in my spine. Maybe that is the bone that has been crushed. Hmm… This is one thing...
And this is another… Mum said that my dad and she had agreed to send me to TTSH tonight rather than waiting till the appointment day. OMG!!!!!!!!! I so don’t want to go. This is the reason why I don’t like telling them about the pain. This is what I am afraid of. I don’t want to go there. She also said that if the doctor asked the rating of the pain, I must exaggerate about it. Tell them that it is about 7/10 or 8/10 even if it is not. One reason for this coz they will only check on you thoroughly if it really hurts and another is coz I am already like ‘immune’ to the pain and she know I will confirmed say around 4/10 or 5/10. ):
I am so in dilemma now. I don’t know if I really have to do that or not. Here are some possibilities that I had thought of.
If I exaggerate:
~ The doctors will make my condition as importance to them
~ They will attend to me more professionally
~ Find a possible diagnosed that will cure it in the most efficient way
~ I may be an IN-PATIENT (which I don’t want to)
~ I may be having tough therapy
~ I may even get myself into OPERATION!!!! (which I don’t want to)
If I do not exaggerate:
~ They will think it is a normal pain
~ They will try to subsides the pain
~ They will do things slowly
~ Go through a lot of possible way that I can do to prevent it from getting worse
~ They may find other alternatives for me
~ I may live with the pain forever or until my spine get well
I don’t know anymore… Haizz… So what am I suppose to do??? HELPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ps. Thanks to Mr. Cant-be-named for you know what… Haha… Secret between you & me (:
Hasta La Vista
listened to the sweet sound @ 4:27 PM
Wednesday, December 24, 2008 ♥
At last, I went to Yishun Polyclinics today. After many many months of ache and pain. Truthfully, it wasn’t that bad la. Haha… I don’t like going to the clinics and hospital, especially after the stay at KKH. After so many treatments, they still don’t know what is causing the pain. Haiz..
So I went there and spent my whole 2 hours (as if I got ntg bttr to do) !!!!!!!! Everything was fine and I was in total hunger after that. Dad didn’t allow me to eat coz im going to have an X-ray.
Me: Buy something for me can? I very hungry laaa..
Dad: No, you can’t eat. You are going to get an X-ray later
Me: Huh?? Since when go X-ray cannot eat??
Dad: That time when you were in the hospital, the doctor say cannot eat what..
Me: I was going to get MRI that time la, not X-ray. I ate what before having my X-ray the other time..
Dad (Looking at my bro & sis): Alah… Just don’t eat la.. Later they take X-ray then see all your food inside..Hahaha
Me: *diao!! Waliao..lame man..
Sis & Bro: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!
Yeah, whatever and I didn’t get to eat that whole morning. The doctor sent me for some tests then I got my X-ray. When the results came, she said that my bone is a little abnormal. There was a crack in my spine and she will make an appointment for me to go to Tan Tock Seng Hospital for further check-ups. Haiz.. First, KKH then now TTSH.. I hope nothing bad happens coz I don’t want to stay there. I prefer staying with babies then old people. NOT FUN!!!!! So, im going to take the photocopy of the X-ray and the appointment letter this Friday. But what this really means is that, I have to laid back Rock Climbing for a while. I couldn't be asking for something to fully break my spine now wouldn't I.
Class 4 Nobility (my sec 4 class) is going to have an outing this Sunday. They are meeting at Khatib Mrt (1145) and Ang Mo Kio Mrt (1200). Then heading to East Coast Park to do some bike riding, roller blade, some chit chatting, sun tanning and of course WATER ACTIVITIES!!! Fun right??? Haha.. But I won’t be able to go. SAD :( I need to work laaaa… Haiyooo… Can’t ask for off coz im already taking off next Saturday and Sunday to go to the Paint A Home, Light A Heart Project. :(
Don’t be sad coz tomorrow is CHRISTMAS!!!! Merry Christmas people!!! Hahaa.. I am so looking forward to Christmas. Not that I will be celebrating Christmas but my family has a whole lot of plan for that day. Last year, me and 2 other couzzies stayed at town till 3+ am. Hahaha..funny funny.. we stayed up all night not because we wanted to but coz we got LOST!!!! Haha.. and it was a super exercise for us coz we walked to and fro to the next MRT stations. Came to think of it, what’s up with us and MRT? People take train but we walked and me taking 1.5 hr just to walk to school. That is super crazy right?? But super fun also...
So here are the plans for tomorrow:
1) Eat breakfast outside together
2) Go shopping/window shopping
3) Watch Cicakman 2 at the nearest cinema
4) Go UNDERWATER WORLD!!!!!!!!!
Hasta La Vista
listened to the sweet sound @ 5:23 PM
Monday, December 22, 2008 ♥
Well I got 1 word..
AWESOME!!!!!!!...hahaha
>This was the start and everybody was soo IN the game.. 
>The Mute Game??? Hand Signals Baby....
>Waaahhh... All so HARDWORKING!!!..hahaha
>Smile: Team Anything?? <3
>WATER BASH!!!! haha.. I saved myself from all the wetness and run behind the goalpost
>Cut the cake B'dae Babies..Hope your wishes all come true
>Cheezzeeeeeeeee
>If it weren't for them, the camp wouldn't have existed.. THANKS GALS!!!!!
>Lastly, Me & Noorul <3...
haha..im holding on..im standing strong..THNX for being there
HUGS & KISSES...muackksss
Looking at the pictures, you will know how much fun the camp is right?? Haha.. So, I don’t plan to write anything more about it if not the post will be as long as Noorul’s post. Wakakaka… *Just joking Noorul, but really uh..the post was damn long lorhs.* And now, im just waiting for *someone who can't be named* birthday. *Someone else* have a lot of ideas im sure of that.. Hahahaha...
Hasta La Vista
listened to the sweet sound @ 2:53 PM
Thursday, December 18, 2008 ♥
I am SUPER tired and SUPER sleepy but I did promise NOORUL that I’ll blog tonight so here it is…*YAWN*..
Fun, smiles and laughter :)
After the crushing event, today was the first day of a whole lot of that. It started by having to give the indemnity form to school for the ‘Paint A House, Light A Heart’ Project. Me, Hafiz, Caliph and Rena planned to meet up at 2pm at Woodlands MRT. Ended up me and Rena have to wait for HAFIZ AND CALIPH FOR 1 HR!!!! Hahaha.. (BYK KRG NYE PKL 2)
Then NOORUL called and asked me where I am. The next thing I know I’ll be meeting her. They needed help for the water balloon for tomorrow’s camp. Hafiz and Caliph helped out by carrying the bucket full of the balloons back to the Anatomy Museum (strong la sei..wakakaka). Since they don’t want to go home then might as well help out right??
Angeline, Caliph, Hafiz, NOORUL and me then headed down to Causeway point to eat. Angeline kinda let out a few things. Can’t say anything here…CENSORED!!!!!!! (only the 3 of us know). Then a few more laughter starts at KFC. We went window shopping at Causeway and I showed them the shirt/dress wf hood that I wanted to buy. We took bus (considered yourself lucky NOORUL, I don’t usually give in to ppl who ask me to take bus!!!!) and we chatted and ‘eavesdrops’ on Hafiz and Caliph. We weren’t really doing that, it is just that those 2 clever boys were talking loudly.
We drop by my house and waited for my siblings, then went shopping again. NOORUL need to go off early to catch her cake and to sleep early. To think of it, I realized that I asked a lot of presents from Hafiz. Hahaha.. Buy me this, buy me that.. I want this, I want that.. He was being my older brother. I think. Hahahahahahaha…..
And tomorrow is another day to look forward to. MAVEN IG CAMP!!!!!
Anyway, thanks guys..
ps. *NOORUL requested for her name to be very big and ask me to say 'I love you NOORUL' and that she had tricked me alot today (who?? who?? who??) VERY SLEEPY SO I'LL SLEEP NOW..missing ur hugs and kisses (blown one to u)
Hasta La Vista
listened to the sweet sound @ 10:12 PM
Wednesday, December 17, 2008 ♥
I’ve sworn to myself to let it go. Not to remember even though I miss a whole lot of him. And today is the 17. The day that was suppose to make alive, to make me the happiest girl in town. But now…
Hasta La Vista
listened to the sweet sound @ 8:40 PM
Monday, December 15, 2008 ♥
Wakakaka.. OMG !!! I can’t believe all that actually comes from me. Talking like a pro and trying to show a good example to others. Such a bullshit, you should try coming into my life and see what I really do. It is the TOTAL OPPOSITE!!! Hahaha…But hey, it is true okae.. Try applying all that when you are down, when you are at a total lost. It helps..
I know it seems super fast for me to get through all this. It is as if it doesn’t really matter to me. It does okae, there are thousands of bucket in the kitchen just filled with my tears (Not joking). It is either that I am too forgiving and forget, or just being too unbearably stressed up, or just having my mood swings again.
From what I know, I woke up yesterday feeling so happy and light. The burden from my heart just disappeared. The worries in my head vanished. And after that, everything just took its place. I was having a great day.
1. My boss just employed someone. Her name is Ain. Cool right?? Haha..The feeling of wanting to quit was blown away.
2. Back home, my mum spoke to me. At last she speaks to me again saying that she forgives me. After almost 1 month of speechless conversation, she speaks to me again. =]
3. I told Baby about it and told him how happy I was feeling. I think it makes him smile (I hope coz that is my intention) and hope it takes of some of his burdens and worries away. He is going through a lot right now. But hey, I will always be here for you okae dear. Now you have one less thing to worry about. Do your stuff, don’t worry about me coz I’ll be fine.
4. I cheered Noorul up (“,). She was also super sad and has been sobbing for 1 week now. She had issues about the exact same thing I was having. But it is not her and her bf, it is her and her best friend/sister/someone she looks up to. The relationship just falls apart.
Welcome aboard my lady!!! Haha..I am so bad right?? Well, who cares, you still love me..I know you do..Don’t lie Noorul.. Wakakaka.. All it takes is a smile. A smile of care, sincere, love and happiness. Smile with me, anyone. <3
This is for you..for all of you
I may not run very far
I may not be a superstar
Try my best, I must
In my strengths, I trust
I am glad to be me
I am a VIP! (mcm phm..)
ps. thnx for ur support everyone..love u lots <3
Hasta La Vista
listened to the sweet sound @ 8:13 PM
Saturday, December 13, 2008 ♥
It is hard for me to breathe. Everything is stuck there. It’s suffocating.
From 021008
I still remember the things we said that night. We were reluctant to tell and were afraid it might go wrong. Not wanting to expect the unexpected. Not ready for rejections. But, we were very thankful we did coz after saying those words we realised we shared a common thing.. And that was Love.
To 171008
We made alot of sacrifices, believed in each other, trust that we can make each other happy. We were ready. We hold hand in hand (with a little smell of cigarettes and peanut butter - if u rmbr..) and was ready to take on any challenge the world gives us.
It was a bumpy journey, there were terrors and sorrows but we stayed on smiling and laughing. Coz we are sure nothing will pull us apart. Then the clouds turned darker then usual. We hold each other tighter, ensuring we are still together. Standing strong..
And Now 121208
Deep in our hearts, we are hurting really bad. Every night I wished it would go away. Hoping it won't affect our relationship (I hope u did). But it took over us. Our hands were slipping. You don't believe anymore and I think trust has gone long time ago. I was unsure what might happen next but wasn't expecting the worse.
You took a step ahead. You let go of my hands knowing it will hurt, but only for a moment. You don't wish to ruin my future or hurt me in any way. Simply, you asked me to move on as if nothing has happened. As if all those days together has no meaning. It is really hard to believe. It is really hard to walk away especially when you really love somebody, when you really care. It tears me up inside, to know that we part. But I still love you and I'll still care. That was the promise I made before you went afar.
Now 17 means nothing anymore. Everything is only memories that will fade away with time. It can't be written in black and white, can't be kept till forever ends. Crying in silence. That's the only thing I can do. At least I know I did my best and fight for us. The tears won't stop rolling. It won't stop showing up.
I can cry suddenly in the middle of my work, when there weren’t you near, not even in my head. I don't understand why. Is it even possible in the first place?
Hold my hands, and never let go..
Let me guide you back to the light
Lets do this together baby,and no, lets not give up halfway
I got you and you got me, thats all that I need
On three we would take that leap together, holding hands
One, two, three....
Sounds familiar??? What does it mean to you that time?? What bout now??
I was scanning through your blog and found this 'ZeeQah, just feel free to say things out. Remember, you might never know what can happen, so why not just take a shot. =)'.. From what have been going on past few months, I realise that was suppose to be the last thing I do. Take a shot. Coz it turned out wrongly.. It turned out real bad.. Accidentally in love?? Maybe that was the cause of it. Or is it butterfly effect?? Also, there is no difference between the 2nd and the 17th.. Both have a sad ending. Not beautifully sad, but frustratingly sad.
Words from your mouth still ring in my ear. And it's scarring my heart every time I hear it. I didn't expect you to say that on the phone just now. Just for your info, I rarely get what I want in life. Coz what I want is usually what my mum doesn't agree on. That is why it means so much to me. That's why it is hard for me to let go. Just like Rock Climbing. You gave me so much hope which in the end turns to nothing. Is this called lasting? If it is then I don't want anything to last. Felt as if the waves had drowned me, pulling me down to the beds of sand.
YOU PICKED ME UP, THEN CRUSHED ME FLAT..
Hasta La Vista
listened to the sweet sound @ 11:22 PM
Wednesday, December 10, 2008 ♥
The past few days have been rather complicated and crazy day..
Yesterday was a total MOOD SWING for me. I change into different moods and emotions after every split second. My poor Baby had to go through tough times with me. I actually lost count how many times I scolded him for no good reason. It is the memories and the frustrations that haunt me that time. I kept remembering about it and felt the hurt that went through with it. I was also having major headache and no mood to eat. It was such a trouble. Anyway, sowie Sweetheart!!!! Also there may be a future band in the class. Teehees…
Today, I mean now, then I realize that my hp was gone..Wakakaka.. Hafiz and I looked for it but still not found. He tried to call my hp and there wasn’t any feeling of vibrations anywhere (hp will always be in silent and vibration mode, even at home). I wasn’t really that panicking la as hmm…I dnt really care. So I sit down and open my outlook to check for the days mails. And this is what I saw…
Good Day,
This is to inform you that your Sony Ericsson Handphone has been found and is kept at One-Stop Centre. Kindly make a trip down to Counter 0 (Deliveries) - One Stop Centre (Republic Polytechnic) to collect it by 24th December 2008.
Failure to do so by the stipulated date will result in the item being donated/discarded/returned to the relevant agency.
Cheers,
Stanley Tan
Executive Assistant (Deliveries)
One-Stop Centre Republic Polytechnic
DID 31001001 Fax 64151310
www.rp.sg/osc
P.S. Please be informed that the General Enquiries Counter remains open at OSC after 6pm till 8pm on weekdays and on Sats from 8am-6pm (except public holidays).
(wanted to upload the mail but it was super blurr)...
Hahahahaha… Then Hafiz and I was wondering to ourselves and playing investigation of how my hp landed up there. Hmm.. Very very strange… I really don’t remember me bringing it out of class.
Well, tomorrow’s plans is going movie with malay classmates and watch Bolt. Then after that, I’ll head straight to my chalet. Yeepee!!!! Going to overnight there and come to school the next morning from there (not really sure la but that’s my plan).
Hasta La Vista
listened to the sweet sound @ 5:21 PM
Sunday, December 7, 2008 ♥
Ever wonder if you have met the right person? Or is that person willing to go all the troubles and the extra mile just to be with you? Will the person be there when you needed strength and support? Will the love that has been shared together last forever?
These are the thoughts that have been running through my mind these past few days. I don’t know what’s wrong or what’s bothering me. But every time I look at him, these are the thoughts. Well, I guess it is good coz I’ve never been thinking about these with all my ex. Too much has happen in a short while. Everything is kinda tangled rite now. But knowing that you are there for me, believing that you will support and encourage me, confident that you love me, took me further from where I can go. This feeling I have for you, is so different. It is more …
People say that a good relationship starts by having not to worry about what the other party will think of you. They love you for being you. You don’t need to fix yourself and what manners or personality you put on they will still love you. That is the true meaning of love. It is the connection that you share together which will bring the relationship to the next level.
As long as you get real with yourself, stop making excuses, know what you really want, stick to it and make it clear to the person, then you will be safe from too many mixed messages, misunderstandings and frustrations. When you treat your goal of meeting the right person seriously and important, then you will stay motivated to find him or her, and when you do, you will finally be able to begin the kind of relationship that you have always longed for, needed and deserve.
Hasta La Vista...
listened to the sweet sound @ 1:12 AM
