All In Me

Does True Love Exist???

2010-01-26T00:28:00.009+08:00

I’m thinking…Thinking for so long and yet still thinking. I know this is what I’m not to pay attention to for now (in my current situation) but I can’t help it. I want to know about it…Nah…I NEED to know about it. ~TRUE LOVE~

Yes, yes…True love! Does it really exist? How do you know if that person you are with is YOUR true love? This thought…This topic…This words… It’s not leaving my mind. Since the day YOU grab my attention. And now, we have been together for 4 months… WE, have gone through ALOT of situation, ALOT of hardship, ALOT of trouble and ALOT of smiles and laughter, together with our friends under the moon and the stars of our hometown.

I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone because of YOU. I’ve opened up because of YOU. I’m more courageous because of YOU. I’ve matured because of YOU. I’ve changed a lot of perceptions because of YOU. I’m noticeable, not invisible anymore…because of YOU.
YOU know how to reach my heart. YOU know how to soften my hardest shell. YOU, by a single touch, can calm my most wicked demonic self… Yet again, YOU can make me wrathful. YOU can fill me with hatred and jealousy. YOU can make me lost in my own world.

I feel alive whenever I’m with YOU. I don’t feel pressurized being with YOU. YOU lighten my burdens and help me solve my puzzles. Whenever I’m with YOU, I always want the time to stop. I don’t want to go home and leave YOU out of sight.

I’m not certain about the future but I can’t deny that right now… YOU, Hairul Nizam Bin Roslan, ARE EVERYTHING TO ME!

I Love You Dearest
Hasta La Vista...

Life....

2009-11-27T21:53:00.001+08:00

It has been long since I updated. Been so busy with the ups and downs of life! And once again, I feel lost.. Lost in my own universe, lost in my own soul..

Ytd was the release of PSLE results and Sharul score 217 for his PSLE. Good job bro! Can’t believe he got better results than me. Hmph! I hope he will continue giving this kinds of results and get better in his O level.. He may enter Yishun Secondary School, coz it is near.. HAHAHA!! Anw, he is eligible for a 3rd language. I don’t know if he is going to take it or not but I hope he did. (:

Haidah gave good results too for her End of Year exams but she can do better. She got band 2 for all subjects and she gets the chance of taking Higher Mother Tongue. And this scares me a lot. I know that by the rate I am going and my misbehaving, I won’t get good results this semester. That is not what I am aiming for. I gotta start going to school.. gotta stop being lazy.. gotta keep Nizam away fm behaving. I know it’s a very LAME reason to blame Nizam for this coz he did nothing wrong. I was the one who always get distracted. I keep having thoughts that I am not able to handle everything together.

But no matter what, I am not going to end this relationship. Nizam has always been there for me. He may be some kind of bad influence and has hurt me from time to time. I still love him so dearly I am not able to let him go. I don’t want to let him go! I don’t want this relationship to stop. I don’t want to lose him..

Hasta La Vista...

Sabotage - Kristinia Debarge

2009-10-13T11:49:00.003+08:00

Sabotage - Kristinia Debarge

(It's sabotage now)
I keep praying she'll leave me alone
(Leave me alone)
But she keeps waiting outside of my home
I got an angel on the left sayin'
Dont give in
But the devil on the right's sayin'
Let her in
She wont stop kicking down my door
(ah no ah no)

[Chorus]
But each time I try to play the good girl
I let myself get in the way
I try so hard to fight the bad girl
But she's here to stay
(It's sabotage now)
Over and over again
(It's sabotage now)
Over and over again
(It's sabotage now)
Over and over again
(and now my heart is)
Broken all over again
(It's sabotage now)

I cant hold onto guys that I like
(no no no)
She keeps lookin' with wandering eyes
I got an angel on the left screaming
Get away
But the devil on the right's saying
Time to play (ooh)
And I cant take it anymore
It's sabotage now

[Chorus]
Each time I try to play the good girl
I let myself get in the way
I try so hard to fight the bad girl
But she's here to stay
(It's sabotage now)
Over and over again
(It's sabotage now)
Over and over again
(It's sabotage now)
Over and over again
(and now my heart is)
Broken all over again
(It's sabotage now)

When I fall in love I
cause myself so much pain
I sabotage my heart and
and I dont know how to change

It doesnt matter what I say
or what I do'
Cuz in the end she always wins I always loose
I need to get her out of my life

Each time I try to play the good girl
I let myself get in the way
I try so hard to fight the bad girl
But she's here to stay
(It's sabotage now)
Over and over again
(It's sabotage now)
Over and over again
(It's sabotage now)
Over and over again
(and now my heart is)
Broken all over again
(It's sabotage now)

Over and over again
(It's sabotage now)
Over and over again
(It's sabotage now)
Over and over again
(and now my heart is)
Broken all over again
(It's sabotage now)

Hasta La Vista...

School is BACK yaw!

2009-10-06T10:19:00.003+08:00

I am so late for the SECOND day of school! Hahaha...totally forgot that I start earlier today!.. Reached class bout 30mins later! Anw, HAPPIE BDAE DADDY!!! We celebrated his bdae at midnight (the usual routine).. We bought him Opera cake from Polar and 4 t-shirts from Bossini :D

Ytd, I went to park to see Nizam play football and hang out with his/my friends! Guess wat! Firdaus (the-guy-at-the-end-of-the-blk aka my eyecandy) was there too!! He dyed his hair golden brown and it was soo damn GORGEOUS...NOT!!!! Its uber ugly laaaa.. He look so much hotter with black hair!

Nizam noticed that Firdaus kept glancing at me..haha.. JEALOUS! Hehe...LOVE YOU BABY!.. I hope today's plan will not be disturb like ytd's! I really wanna spent time with Nizam..I miss him soo much! And its only right for me to stay by his side when he is sick right?? Poor him...

Scratching my whole body! Itchy laaa....
Hasta La Vista

Hairul Nizam...

2009-09-27T02:57:00.002+08:00

Hasta La Vista

Happy Birthday!!!

2009-08-04T00:22:00.003+08:00

Mummy’s 38th birthday just passed on the start of August (1st August). There was a mini celebration held at home and mum’s sisters and family are invited! Lots of food was present and I mean ALOT of food!!! I helped mum to cook Roti Kirai :D It was super fun but tiring as well. It takes sooo long to finish cooking just that! Mum cooked Mee Hoon Soto in the morning.

Also, I had to run to Northpoint to buy yummy pastries from Delifrance and Strawberry Shortcake from Four Leave. Yummy Yum Yum!!!!! The celebration went well and pictures were taken (see my facebook) HAHAHAHA…

The next coming birthday in the family would be mine (8 August), which is THIS Saturday!! Not really excited about it… Actually, I feel scared. And this feeling has been lingering around me for a few days now. I don’t wanna be pessimistic. I don’t want to think that im cursed coz im not! It’s just that bad thing happen. And it’s always on my birthday. 5 birthdays went pass with this ‘curse’. I don’t want it to come again.

Hey, it’s my 18th birthday this year! I wanna start fresh, get my license, run my life freely and BE ME!! So please dear curse, please stay far away from me this year! Please have mercy on me this time.. You’ve place my mum in jail for something she didn’t do, you’ve make me so sick that I have to be sent to hospital, you’ve crushed my hopes and killed my baby brother! And of all days, all this have to happen ON MY BIRTHDAY! What else do you want from me?? What else do you need?

Latest news:
~ Rock Climbing has been banned
~ I am losing a close friend (I really hope you’ll re-think about your actions)
~ I may have to sacrifice and not see my mum for 2 years

I hope all this isn’t the start of the ‘curse’….

Is there anyone that can stop this?? Please help me…
Hasta La Vista

Family Outing!!!

2009-07-15T22:04:00.005+08:00

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~ :D
Love You All ...

Hasta La Vista

Romantic Hot Cakes!!!

2009-07-08T00:10:00.009+08:00

PANCAKES @ night!!!!! YUM YUM YUM...

Daddy bought this home today and asked me and Haidah to cook it up! (: And yeah, I guess it was rather late at night when we cooked it coz everybody was busy watching TV (Fighting Spiders, Jihan). So only me, Haidah and Daddy got to taste it first. Mummy was dreaming away eating the pancakes already and so is Sharul! *In their dreams* Hahaha (:

The pancakes was SUPER DUPER niceeeeeee! Taste somehow like McDonald's Hot Cakes except that it is better.. Hahaha (: Daddy asked me to make it again for breakfast tomorrow morning and he says that he is gonna get more of the Pancake Mix from work... Weeeeeeee~

Oh gosh!! I just can't stop smiling to my thoughts.. That's coz HE is in it! Im not sure what's happening to me but I sure am getting the hang of it. Coz I LOVE IT <3 All my life, I have never felt this way. I've never blushed just for the sight of someone. My heart doesn't race with itself when I looked into someone's eyes. But for HIM, it's different...

At the sight of HIM, no matter how far HE was or if it was just HIS back, I'll instantly smile to myself. Then my heart will start to beat fast.. My thoughts will wonder around HIM.. And I'll remember 2 years ago when I first saw HIM.. HE was no different.. HE was exactly how I last left HIM.. (:

I am just hoping this isn't another game that I'll have to play. Another challenge to defeat myself. This time, I hope it's real...

Hasta La Vista

Updates!!! Updates!!!

2009-07-03T13:08:00.006+08:00

REUNION of W26K!! Haha..Not really a reunion la coz its only US! This was taken at TRCC after we had our lunch! Before I was LOA-ed.. -.-" Its so sad Hafiz and Syukri can’t join us. It has been so long since I saw them.. Miss the old days... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

So far E-Learning has been great! Yesterday was very2 hectic and troublesome. Today was rather slacking. I think it’s because yesterday was Recombinant DNA Technologies and today was Chemistry! Haha..We girls had fun doing the work! Well, that is what you get if you LOA-ed all the girls together.. No matter what happen, work will always be done :D Anyway, the picture on top show the CHAT ROOM LEO had!.. Haha.. Since when LEO got chat room siaa.. So cute!!!

Hasta La Vista

What Luck!!!

2009-07-02T16:50:00.009+08:00

That is what I have been doing yesterday. PLAY GAMES, ONLINE CHATTING, LISTENING TO MUSIC, EAT and ROT!! Such a miserable day yesterday! ): Bad luck! Bad luck! Bad luck! And I thought everything was going to be just as planned.

Some of us girls are suppose to be meeting at Harbour Front at 11am. We planned to go Mount Faber to climb. Exciting rite!?!?!?! Hahas.. I suppose so but, it started to rain at Yishun and I was hoping it doesn't rain there too. So I went online (for no good reason)...

.:ReNaSHaNa:. : oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

.:ReNaSHaNa:. : u pt ane??

ZeeQah... : pat rumah

ZeeQah... : asal?

ZeeQah... : hahaha

.:ReNaSHaNa:. : ouh

.:ReNaSHaNa:. : hmmm

.:ReNaSHaNa:. : i dunnoe if i wanna go ke tk tau

.:ReNaSHaNa:. : coz smlm my bro sakit....

.:ReNaSHaNa:. : high fever

.:ReNaSHaNa:. : n he was send to NUH...

.:ReNaSHaNa:. : n he was suspected of h1n1

ZeeQah... : huh? alahhh

.:ReNaSHaNa:. : so if i were to meet korg nanti korg jauh2 ngan me lak

ZeeQah... : then skg mcm mane?

.:ReNaSHaNa:. : i tk tahu

ZeeQah... : haha..mepek sei rena

.:ReNaSHaNa:. : if korg tk kisah jumpe rena den okay la

ZeeQah... : i dnt mind..ahha

.:ReNaSHaNa:. : its only u

ZeeQah... : we all come fm the same breeding place anw

.:ReNaSHaNa:. : den the rest

.:ReNaSHaNa:. : n den now fiza ckp she not going

.:ReNaSHaNa:. : coz she not feeling well

ZeeQah... : leerrrrrr

.:ReNaSHaNa:. : ya

ZeeQah... : then the rest?

.:ReNaSHaNa:. : u can chat wif her..she appear offline jgk

.:ReNaSHaNa:. : sume lum online

.:ReNaSHaNa:. : u contact them uh

.:ReNaSHaNa:. : haha

.:ReNaSHaNa:. : since its free

ZeeQah... : hahahah

ZeeQah... : siaper lagi yg gi actually?

.:ReNaSHaNa:. : iffah shida

ZeeQah... : haizz

.:ReNaSHaNa:. : haizzzzzzzzzzzzz

ZeeQah... : i da msg drg tpi mcm tkde reply jeee

.:ReNaSHaNa:. : u da text them??

ZeeQah... : da...

ZeeQah... : i tanye if they gg ke tk
.:ReNaSHaNa:. : hmm

And that was just the beginning. The conversation went on and on... The "best" part was when I received an sms from RP at 12.11pm...

From RP: Pls be informed that you are on LOA with effect from Tues 30 Jun as you have been contact with a H1N1 case. Pls STAY AT HOME, do online learning at home and DECLARE your temperature in LEO or http://myrp.sg/ twice a day. Class will resume for you on 7 Jul 09.

Bloody hell!!! Arrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........

Hasta La Vista

Lost In No Ones World...

2009-06-29T13:26:00.011+08:00

I hate this feeling. Why must I feel all this again?? This feeling of lost, crushed, drowned and helpless. What happen to me?? I don’t even recall any incidents that happen that may lead to these feelings. I have been feeling all this since my late grandpa passed away. It did strike me hard I guess. I miss him so much. I am so confused. I thought I was stronger than this. Everyone said I was, but… Well, I guess only I knew myself..or do I??

I just hope I can cope with all this. H1N1 is attacking my school. Haizz.. Of all places.. And this adds on to “I don’t feel like going to school today. I need a break. Fresh air” kinda thing. I can’t seem to get my heart right. Where am I?? Oh gosh...

Anyway, I so wanna watch transformers again!! HAHA.. Couz plan to watch movie again, this time it will either be Ice Age 3 or Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince or BOTH!! HAHAHAHA (:

Some of my classmates are preparing the cake for Bridget’s and Shafawani’s birthday. Chocolate cake from Four Leave. YUM YUM YUM...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRLS muacks :D

Hasta La Vista

Praying You Will Be Fine...

2009-06-12T18:19:00.007+08:00

I was thinking of him the other night. Remembering the days when we had our special times; when everything was fine and happy, when he cared for me. He was my superhero! He was there when no one came. He was there when everyone was buzy.

Trying hard to sleep, but the memories of us kept running through my mind. A close friend of his told me that he was proud of me, for the things I did which actually didn’t mean much to me. The day he says he was like a superhero after sending me to school. When he walked down the road alone, not telling me, not wanting me to worry.

Looking at him, all I could do was to pray for him to get better. Suffering when awake, worrying when asleep. I need to be strong. I will do whatever I can. I can’t hide these feelings anymore. I shouldn’t have done that in the first place. The only way to get over this is to get through it. I went through it once; I know I can go through it again. I have to believe that.

Im just a little bit caught in the middle. It is scary. And it’s making everything so hard. Just touching his hand is a challenge for me. Coward is eating up my heart.

I have to force myself to do it. In the end, it doesn’t matter what I’ve done, it doesn’t matter what’s the outcome. It’s the breaking of my comfort zone, the willingness, and the process that matters. I love you.

Hasta La Vista

School, School, School... Lalalala...

2009-04-24T15:27:00.005+08:00

Wednesday was a good day for me. NO SCHOOL!!! Hahaha (: Went out to Seletar reservoir in the morning to clear out my mind. Then outing to Chinese Garden with brother Adi was AWESOME!!! I bought Chewy Juniors then we met at Jurong East after he finishes school. We chilled out and talked about our lives. There were some emotional sessions. Yeah I mean it… TOTAL EMO!!! And that was the first time I see my brother so low. Poor him ): But so yeah, I guess right now my problems are solved. Thanks to him, Rena and Fatin. I couldn’t be bothered anymore. Just letting go of everything (:

Anyway, I just hope everything will go well for my brother. Good luck aites and please cheer up. I know everything will be fine for you. Look forward into the future!! You know I know… Hahas!! Be ensuring that I’ll be here if you need me. For whatever reason and whenever! So long my brother, see ya again next time. It was fun going out with you <3

Sleep my way through the afternoon yesterday till this morning. SUPER TIRED SIAAA… Today was SUPERBLY I don’t know what to comment!! HAHAHA.. The facilitator make us memories the whole presentation. SIAN SIAA!! We need to know everything in our finger tips coz she will choose the slide for us to present. It is good actually so that we truly understand the problem statement. Also, she dismisses us early for breaks and classes. GOOD RITE?? Haha.. More time for lunch, more time to do our work and faster school ends. Weeeeeeee.... Gonna have Maven meeting soon then off to training!! *In a process of thinking if I should join pumpfest*

Hasta La Vista

All I Want Is You...

2009-04-22T02:18:00.004+08:00

Not long ago, it was just the start of the beginning and now it’s the end. It kills me inside to know that it isn’t right coz all I wanted was to be alright. The time we spent together was truly a special one, and there I sat, at the same place, the same time, the same surrounding. The only difference was there weren’t you beside me. The jokes and the laughter that fills the silent breeze, the smell of your perfume that lingered around me, the touch of you...

It just happen again, the exact same thing.. I trusted you when you said it’ll be fine. I believe you when you said it is going to be different from the past. But now, it is repeating again. It’s all the same, just another time and place, just another chapter. Every single wound in my heart. Every single hurt that I felt. It is just layering on the one that hasn’t healed yet. Must I go through it again?

I somehow felt this was coming, but I denied that it’ll come true. I don’t want to lose you but I guess that is too late. Maybe this isn’t the right timing. Maybe I held on to u too hard. Maybe it was just too fast. Maybe...

I wasn’t prepared. It didn’t even occur to me that this will happen. This wasn’t my plan. This wasn’t the path that I chose. Maybe that day, when you asked me the question that will change everything.. Maybe I should’ve said NO..

Then maybe all this wouldn’t happen. I wouldn’t have to kill myself slowly. I wouldn’t have to digest the pain.

Hasta La Vista

HOLIDAY!!!!!!!!!

2009-04-13T12:14:00.005+08:00

LIFE HAS BEEN FANTASTIC…Erm, I guess.. Hahaha (: I have not been updating (WTH Zee, everyone can see that -.-“). A lot has happen, a lot has changed, some remains the same but the most importantly, I ENJOY LIFE & my holiday!!

Project on the yakult bottle with SHF is now over! Yay.. No need to go Bishan everyday and see the yakult bottles anymore and yay to no more glue sniffing… Hahaha.. I didn’t exactly sniff the glue, the stench is just too strong. Thanks to everyone who have helped in making our BIG HEART a success. Even to those who only help a little coz every sweat counts! Hahaha.. LAME!! (We did the work in air-con sia..where got sweat???)

Hmm.. What else did I do this holiday?? *thinking in process* Oh yar.. DISNEY ON ICE!!! The 5 days of working in the indoor stadium was great! I was place under the novelty section where all the toys are. Weee… Free show + popcorn anytime I want + free time during the show (OTOT) = totally cool job EVER!!! I pretty much did nothing and still got paid. Cool shit!!

It was fantastic watching the skaters performing and making super cool friends. I am so lucky to have a super cool dad too. Thanks to him and his friend, I got this super cool job. Unfortunately it only lasted for five days ): Anyway, the in-charge told me that she is going to call me again for the next Disney On Ice. Dad said it would be in October or November. I am super excited for it.. Hahaha… Anyone interested??? xP

The usual training and competition has been going on. Gravical and Boulderactive has past. Now looking forward to Pumpfest and Rockmaster. Some of the climbers have gone to KL and Krabi for more extreme climbing. Take care guys and have a safe trip. See ya when school starts <3

I went to NAFA yesterday with a friend to watch my couz perform in a malay drama, Qalbu. It was nice and kinda funny. The ending was super touching and I almost cried (ALMOST only uh..haha) After the show, we went to watch Mall Cop at Bugis Film Garde. (:

Holiday is ending soon then school starts. I wasn’t looking forward about it but it still comes ): Anw, just wishing that this is the start of a new chapter in a new story of a brand new story book.

Hasta La Vista

Out With Brother!!!

2009-03-12T01:08:00.003+08:00

Today’s update will be a little special coz it is dedicated to Adi Soffian Bin Bakhtiar Effendi. Hahaha… Who is he?? HE IS NOT MY NEW BF OKAE!!! He is my new god-brother <3

Need an intro?? Haha..
~ SP Climber
~ Live in a 2-storey house (RICH RIGHT??? haha)
~ Likes to call me Kutet (dnt noe why la)
~ Caring & thoughtful person
~ Will always be there for you
~ Man with words and advices
~ Always, I repeat, ALWAYSSS MENDAK!! (hehe)
~ COOL SHIT!!!
and I like to play with his cap.. kekee

I don’t know what else to say la.. Hahaha.. Oh yeah, HE IS ATTACHED so ladies please back off. Wakaka… We started off as friends then started chatting about my stalker. Hahaha… So he then became my protector and for I don’t know how and what reason he then became my big brother. It is fun having him around. He’ll be there cheering me up and making me laugh till my stomach hurts. Being nuts in front of him is super easy for me. Hahaha.. Lucky he can get used to my hyperness (or so I thought). Hahaa..

Enough about him and now back to MY life!! Hehe.. No heart feelings okae bro (: Some may know that I am feeling low this few days and did try to comfort me. Thanks for the advices everyone. My problem right now?? I don’t have the inner trust anymore. I don’t believe that I can do it any longer. I am half way to giving up climbing and my life. Yeah, even my life.. I am so tired of fighting for my rights and what I believe is true. Haizz..

Today’s training is fun yet hard. I realize that I love to do sit-up and push-up. I don’t know why.. Hahaha… The feeling of doing it and after accomplish doing about 200 of each is satisfaction I tell you. I went off training a little earlier today but still reach bugis late -.- Pity my brother as he has to wait about 30 mins for me. We went to eat at LJS then bought my younger brother his birthday present at BHG, $39.95 Zoids!!

Erm, something weird happen to my brother today. He was super engrossed with the water fountain at the shopping centre (wanted to write more but im laughing like hell rite now). Have anyone of you tasted Chewy Juniors before?? It is super nice right??? But this brother of mine says that it is like a donut and cookie tak menjadi -.-!!!! Like what the heck!!! It is a cream puff!!! NOT A DONUT AND NOT A COOKIE!!! AND IT IS SUPER NICE LAAAAA….. hahaha

Hasta La Vista

Climbing Goes Down...

2009-03-08T11:47:00.002+08:00

I’ve been tied up with Gravical at SMU this few days. I went there on Friday to support our climbers in novice man and woman. Congrats to Fatin, Zulaikha, Fiza, Syahmi and Shabirin for making it to the finals. GOOD LUCKS AITES (:

The competition is kinda average I suppose, nothing special. I like the artistic painting on the wall the most. Hahaha.. I compete in intermediate woman’s category on Saturday. This is the first time for me to compete in an outside competition and under INTERMEDIATE category.. It was a good experience for me. The results weren’t that disappointing actually coz I somehow foresee where I stand. Hahaha.. I know myself and I know where my position is.

It was a last minute decision to enter the competition. I kinda beg and plead my mum to allow me to enter the night before, but she still refuses. She said she’ll tell me the next day. So I woke her up the early next morning for her answer. I felt bad but it’s not really my fault, isolation closes at 9am. She allowed but wasn’t in an encouraging tone. More like the whatever-whatever tone.

I don’t feel like entering anymore and thought about it again and again in the train. Nevertheless, I still compete with the mindset of just getting the experience and for the sake of trying out the wall. Hahaha.. Coz it looks cool!!! And I know deep down my mum still don't allow me to climb.

Anyway, congrats to Zayd for making it to the finals. I left a little early coz my family wanted to go to IKEA and my couz birthday party. I was shag already by that time and my spine was getting tired. Reached home at around 3am. I was 100% gone already still shag and aching.

Today...
It was just disappointing.. I plan to go SMU to support our finalist but had to cancel it for something that didn’t happen. Mum wants me to follow her to somewhere. I thought of just going SMU for awhile then come back and accompany her coz she said it is around 2+. When she was confirming her reservations, she told me that it was around 12+ and ask me not got go SMU. I agreed but later she told me it was cancelled, then said that I can go SMU if I want to. How frustrating can it be?

I was so pissed, I don’t even feel like going anywhere for the day. I wouldn’t even make it for novice woman if I were to go then. So what’s the point? I got no mood...

And now, thinking of Boulderactive + my mum + I don’t have the trust in myself anymore, it just makes me wanna quit climbing. I am tired of fighting with my mum about climbing. I am sick of trying to prove to them and myself that I can still do it. I am going crazy with the words of others that I just need more time to settle everything down. I don't have the heart to do it anymore.

Hasta La Vista

Birthday Parties!!!

2009-03-02T13:21:00.003+08:00

March is a very tiring and pokai month liao.. Hahaa..Birthday here, birthday there, birthday everywhere!! HAPPIE B’DAE TO NUR HAIDAH (10 years old), MUHD HAZIM SYAWAL (13 years old) & SITI NOORUL HUDAH (19 years old)..

Went out the whole day yesterday to celebrate my sis b’dae. First, my whole family went to Fish & Co at SSC. Then went home and cut the b’dae cake and also to give her presents. At 4.30pm, me and my siblings met up with our couz and go shopping together. Hahaha...

First up we follow the wind to Bugis. Couz told b’dae girl and boy that they are allowed to ask for anything they want with the budget of $50.. Cool right??? I hope they will do the same thing for my b’dae.. Haha.. $100 can?? I’ll ask for t-shirts, bag, laptop case, maybe new shoe and giant teddy bear.. Hahaha.. Zee no shame siaaa.. xP

Then we went to Arab Street to eat. Poor children feeling so hungry!! Wakaka.. Actually after eating, we plan to go home but the ‘brothers’ wanted to go to airport. Hmmm.. TO FIND THEIR CHICKS!!! I don’t blame them. Hahaha.. But both were quite unlucky. We went to budget terminal first and found out that the girl has board the plane. Awww.. Try again aites couzzie.. Don’t lose hope and please don’t be afraid to ask her out. Listen to our advices man!!!!

After going there, we headed to Changi Airport Terminal 3. Once again, no sight of her. Poor couzz.. If one of them only nevermind, skali both of them cannot get to see their girls.. Haiyoo… Seriously, don’t lose hope!!! Girls tend to go missing when you need them the most.. Wakakaka… I think so laaa...

So that was how we celebrated my lil sis and my couz birthday. At the end of the day, my sister has bought a doll, cap, water bottle, digital watch and food. Haha.. My couz bought a digital watch, food and a football.

Two more weeks to go and another b’dae outing will be in place. Haha.. This time it’s my brother and maybe my couz.. If he wanna tag along<3

March Birthday Babies!!

02 March- Nur Haidah, Siti Noorul Hudah
05 March- Muhd Adli
11 March- Lynn
15 March- Sharul Hazman
16 March- Muhd Hanan
18 March- Sibo
19 March- Shaurave

So who else is a March babies?? Update me yeah!!

Hasta La Vista

Shucks I Need To Buck Up...

2009-02-18T18:41:00.005+08:00

The past few days have been ironically great. I realized that this holiday, I have been going out more often compared to my entire life. Hahaha.. Leave home every single day and making my home like some hotel. Haizz..

Friday the 13th was some bad day (as expected). I took off from work to boost my confidence for the mini competition the next day. I reached school at 7am (buang terbiat) to go jogging and do some physical training then met up with my semester 1 friend, Hila, and go breakfast at Mc together. The one thing I remember us talking about was cute guys and stalker. Hahahaha (:

I meet Syafiq and we when to school to “climb”. Yeah.. CLIMB?!?!?!? Stupid OSG who booked the whole wall then use part of it only. If not because of them I would have climb already. Waste my time only. So we hang out at the rugby field and waited for the rest of Climb.Republic and SPRC to come. They plan out a friendly soccer match at 3pm.

I was a little scared to wait for the SPRC actually. THANKS TO MR STALKER!!! But I went brave the whole time. It’s my school anyway, why should I be scared? Also I have a lot of protector, RP climbers and SP climbers. As I foresees, the stalker did come and stalk me. Very rudely, he asks me to go one side coz he needed to talk to me. I ignored him at first but he irritates me a lot after that, so I gave in. Coz I got enough of him and wanted to stop everything.

He was one hardcore stalker I must say. Very very very hard to shoo him away. I did my best to stand up and fight but he is still there. Still being my tail. I was very harsh on him right Syafiq?? Or do I need to be more aggressive? *Sigh*

Mini comp at SP was okae la.. Haha.. Thanks SP climbers for the competition <3 Climb.Republic went sheesha-ing after the comp. Hahaha (: I was quiet the whole time. Mostly coz I am already so tired and couldn’t be bothered to be hyper. I am also so sleepy. But overall that reasons, at the back of my mind was the competition and how bad my performance was. I wasn’t satisfied one bit. From being the best climber to the worst. I cried in the train otw home. I didn’t realize it until my tears rolled down. Mum and sis asked me what happen but I said nothing. They just wouldn’t understand, especially my mum. I guess. Gravical is near and I still haven’t had the time to train. );

Hasta La Vista

Shopping!!!

2009-02-12T00:37:00.003+08:00

So what’s up with me nowadays??? Haha.. I’ve been super duper busy!!!

I went out with Noorul on the 8th Jan to Boon Keng, Hougang, Sengkang & Queensway. Yeah, our outing!!! And that wasn’t the plan at all.. Kuang Kuang Kuang.. We went Boon Keng for training. Reporting there at 11.00am sharp was very difficult. At the MRT station, we were so quiet. Haha.. So unlike us.. But what to do?? We were soo soo TIRED and SLEEPY and HUNGRY!!! The irritating part was the 30mins training… Yeah.. 30 MINS TRAINING!!!! I WENT SO FAR TO BOON KENG EARLY IN THE MORNING FOR A 30 MINS TRAINING!!! Best or what??

Then Noorul and I was like so blank coz we don’t know where to go after that. Haha… So we decided to go Hougang coz we never go there before.. Okae2, it’s a lie if I say I NEVER went there before. I live there when I was a kid. But after moving to Yishun, I don’t go there anymore. And I miss that place. As usual, CAM WHORE laaa!!!

We went shopping for dress and skirts surprisingly. Haha.. Me and Noorul?? Dress and skirts?? Since when sei… Hahaha… I bought a dress also. Noorul planning to buy the one we saw at erm (forgot the place)… Hahaha.. But it was a very nice dress. And someone look soo hot in it laaaa… Hantu Gigi confirm fall 1000 steps down man.. Wakakaka

I reach home quite late that day. Then parents brought my siblings and I out to BILAL to have our late dinner. Mum was so hungry I guess. The food was damn nice. Nicer then the first time we went there. After eating, mum suddenly got the urge to eat ice cream. Hahah.. What happen to her??? Tsk tsk tsk… So we went McDonald <3

I spent my whole day at Thomson Plaza the next day. Haha.. Don’t ask why.. CONFIDENTIAL!!! And I start work on Monday. Don’t ask about work also.. No mood to talk. Hehe.

Aites then, I gotta go sleep. I am working half day tomorrow then need to go Tan Tock Seng for an appointment. *Cross Finger* I hope the doctor say I can climb again. Hahaha.. Competition is this Saturday at SP.

Hasta La Vista

Picnic In School...

2009-02-06T23:55:00.003+08:00

Climb.Republic had our first ever picnic today (in school)!!! Woohoo… Haha... WE TOTALLY MUST GO OUT MORE OFTEN LA… It was Beatrix’s (coach) idea to have a picnic. It wasn’t the best picnic ever but it was definitely the funniest one.

Coach was a little late today due to some technical difficulties (teehees…I hope the car is okae). The plan for today was to have physical training at 2pm for 90 mins, then have our picnic. We could do some bouldering after the picnic.

But… I reached school at 3pm and saw them still climbing the wall and coach nowhere to be found. Training was tough and aching but I manage to complete lots of routes. (: I made a lot of improvements. Good job Zee… At this rate, you should be able to become one of the best again… *Hopes running high*

Picnic was fun. There were lots and lots of food. Lots of sausages, mash potato, fried rice, oreo... Also, lots of stories shared, from making cheesecakes and tiramisu to aeroplane and porn. Captain Planet!!! Haha.. SUPER FUNNY!!!!!

After our picnic, everyone was actually getting tired and lazy to climb again but we still did climb. Haha... What do you expect?? Climbing is an addiction and the most fun sport to do. (:

Not to forget, all this fun has its bad side too… I have lots of scratches on my hands and legs. Blister under my toes and at my heels. -.-“ SUPER PAINFUL… Also, the skin on one of my finger peeled off. That is due to my movement on the tiles I hold. OUCH!! I am so wearing plaster now. Don’t want any water to touch the opening...

Hasta La Vista

Start Of The Buzz...

2009-02-02T23:54:00.003+08:00

I went for interview today with a friend. Suppose, I should go to the interview at Boon Keng with Noorul but I went to Ayer Raja instead. Hahaha.. I was very hype up already to go at Boon Keng actually then that minah call me and say it is cancelled. I hope I get the job. I really need to save up now. This is the only time I can save laa..

After the interview, I headed down to school for more training. There were lots of improvements compared to my last training. Today, I wasn’t that tired and wasn’t that tough even though I tried lots and lots of routes. Which I only manage to complete 1.. ONE DAMN ROUTE!!! Aidil gave me 2 routes, I tried both and was stuck on the 2nd last tile. OMG!!! If not I will complete 3 routes..

That’s how I suck at climbing now. Even Aidil agrees on it. Usually I am able to complete his routes or flash it, but now.. Haizz.. I really really need to work harder. Be more determine. Trust that I can do it. Fatin said its okae coz I have not been doing training for 3 months already. That is true but I feel it is all just reasons… I don’t care about anything else… I know I am going to be a strong climber (:

It’s not what you want, It’s what you get – Muhammad Syukri
(Something like that..If I get it wrong, pls correct me Syuk!!)

I believe what he said is true but there is a second part to it...

It’s not what you want, It’s what you get
And using what you get, To achieve what you want

Yeah… Think about it.. What is the purpose of goals and aims if you don’t go for it right?? Life has its ups and downs. Things don't always go our way. But we must not go without a fight to get what we want. This is challenges in life. And these fights that you go through determine the person you really are. So are you up for the challenge?

Hasta La Vista

Happy Start, Sad Ending...

2009-02-01T00:48:00.002+08:00

The RC girls went out again today with Izzat and Dinie. We headed down to East Coast to picnic and ride bicycle. Haha.. It was fun.. Everybody was kinda excited and tired (coz of yesterday’s training which kill us all).

Pictures were taken (I think.. Haha.. Ppl who has pics pls dnt forget to send me aites) and we also played games (board games, UNO winx cards, Chess, Murderer and Truth or Dare). The best game played was UNO.. Hahaa.. It was totally never ending (rite Fatin?? Hehee). It took us very very long to finish the game especially when there are only 2 players left (me & Fatin). Funny funny..

The last game we played was Truth or Dare. Like what was promised, everything that has been said there will stay there. I trust all of us to keep everything a secret and never bring it to our future. But I also do trust some of us will get affected by what has said. I know I am...

All the best to Rena and Dinie.. All the best to Izzat.. Fatin, Fiza and Shida?? Well, I guess you girls are fine.. Me?? Hmm… I am so confuse right now.. So lost, so hurt.. Hurt partly of the things mention, but more of the mistakes I did. I know I shouldn’t have done that.. I know I shouldn’t have fall for that.. I know I’ll get hurt..

Still, stupid me… And now I am hurt of my own doings.. Arrgghhhh… This is so frustrating… Holding on to the past makes my heart ache. Reaching to the presence isn’t any better. Haizz.. What am I suppose to do right now?

I hate Truth or Dare… Why does it have to make me realize a lot of things?? Why?? What’s left for me?? Urrghhh… I gotta find work soon.. Gonna fill up my time with work and training (:

I gotta get a grip of myself back.. I just feel like crying.. Tears of confusion… Hope my stalker will shoo off soon...

ps. Guys…I really hope this won’t be our last outing together… It was so much fun hanging out with you guys <3

Hasta La Vista

Update Of The Week...

2009-01-28T01:37:00.005+08:00

22 Jan 09 (Cam Whoring)

RP Rock Climbing Girls (Rena, Shida, Fiza, Fatin, Hannis, Iffah & Me) and Izzat went out to Vivo and Marina Barrage where we cam whore the whole day and celebrated Hannis’s birthday (:

23 Jan 09 (Last Day Of School)

I really don’t feel as if school has ended. I woke up early on Monday and Tuesday despite not setting my alarm clock. And I was like..haizz..no more school laa.. Hahaha.. I had great fun this semester. Thanks a lot W26K for the times we shared. I think we should meet up some day and play Pepsi Cola again xP

FAMILY OF W26K: Akhil (BEST FRIEND), Benny, Caliph, Daryl, Gary, Hafiz, Nicholas, Syazni, Syukri, Wei Liang, Wei Kang, Yong Heng, Aini, Eva, Jiang Hui, Liang Yu, Pei Xin, Phyllis, Vanessa, Wanie, Yi Xin, Zahra (did I miss out anyone??)

Caliph, Hafiz, Syukri and me went Vivo after school to spend our last time together. We chatted about our life experiences (love story).. Haha.. But I had to go off early (sort of curfew la guys and also coz I haf been reaching home late the whole week). I met up with Izzat (he just finish work) at Harbourfront MRT (:

24 Jan 09 (Out With Climb Asia People)

Izzat called me in the afternoon and ask me out on a date?? Haha.. I wish.. *Slap Slap*.. No la.. Anyhow only.. But he did called me and asked me out with other Climb Asia people.. There is Khaliq, Hairul, Irwan and Firos. I went to Climb Asia to meet them at around 6.30pm then Hairul drove us in his car to… Guess where?? VIVO!!!!!! Haha..

I think the security will confirm recognize me.. Haha.. We ate and went window shopping.. Wakakaka

25 Jan 09 (Work & Family Gathering)

Blah, Blah, Blah.. Work is super boring! There is new staff there.. Kinda okae.. Anyway people, I AM LOOKING FOR A JOB.. So, if there is anyone who can offer me one.. Please do so.. Teehees (: After work, my family headed down to my aunt’s house. All of them were from Sembawang Park actually, pity I can’t go.. Haha..

ps. I have a stalker tailing me… Can someone help me shoo him??? Pls.....

Hasta La Vista

Rock Climbing Outing...

2009-01-23T11:58:00.004+08:00

The outing was damn FUN I tell ya… I can write essays about it but I am going to keep everything short coz some people have been complaining I wrote too long (rite hafiz?? Haha). And so I pity my readers.. I’ll let the pictures do the talking xP

>Credit to Hafiz for fixing my pics (:

ps. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR HANNIS <3

Hasta La Vista

Tagged Survey...

2009-01-21T16:02:00.007+08:00

I WAS TAGGED BY Siti Noorul Hudah

This should passed on and not passed back.
Pass this survey to 8 girls you know.
You can not say “anyone is able to this survey” or similar like that.
Those who were chosen to do this survey, you must play along and not back out.
If you received this survey more than 8 timesmeans you are someone on the outgoing popular links.

REMEMBER: NO SABO-ING!

Who passed you this survey?
~Siti Noorul Hudah aka My Kecoh-ing Partner
What is your relationship to her?
~Like I said she is my Kecoh-ing Partner
How do u befriend with her?
~By Kecoh-ing together la (:
And how do u find her?
~Very Kecoh-rable.. Teehees xP

1- What is your real name?
~Nur Haziqah Bte Rosli
2- Which one do you prefer to be call?
~Haziqah, ZeeQah, Zee
3- Are u currently wearing something green?
~Surprisingly NO..
4- Do u eat raw salmon?
~Eaten before..it tasted so RAW..
5- Are u married?
~No.. Im too involved with myself to marry.. Haha
6- Are u attached or no? If yes what’s his name and how do u met?
~Nope..
7- If you are attached, would you mind if your boy got kissed by someone?
~Truthfully, I don’t mind. Let everyone kiss him and let him kiss everyone. I’ll listen to the reasons. But beware of the consequences. I won’t hesitate to kiss him goodbye <3
8- Do u love answering back?
~Shockingly, yes I do love answering back, especially when I am angry. But it depends on what situation I am in. Sometimes I answer back out loud but mostly in my heart (:
9- What is your favourite colour? Name three.
~Green, Purple, Black..
10- Why do u like the 2nd colour of your earlier answer?
~I don’t know.. It attracts me..
11- Do u think u are someone known to public?
~I don’t want to be known to public. Not fun. I love to lay low (:
12- Have u had sex with anyone before?
~I am STILL A VIRGIN which equals to NOOOOOO..
13- Do u like to be hated?
~Not really.. I don’t like having enemies..
14- Do u think this survey is stupid? If yes, why? If no, why?
~Nope. If this survey is stupid then the one who create this survey is also stupid and the one who fill up this survey is also stupid and the one who pass this survey on is also stupid. I also don’t believe that there are unintelligent people in the world. Everyone is intelligent in their own ways..
15- What is your fav lingerie shops? Name two.
~Erm…I can’t pick anything coz I don’t buy from all the shops. Therefore, I can’t compare..
16- Do u prefer to wear G-string or normal undies?
~Normal..
17- What is your favourite watch brand?
~Baby-G..
18- Have u own all the above mentioned watches yet?
~Like duh!!..NOOOOO.. Do you know how expensive it is (the original one, tt is)?? I can own all Baby-G watch from pasar malam or bugis la i guess.. Haha
19- What is your current addiction favourite song?
~Nobody, I Hate This Part, What Hurts The Most..
20- Name your favourite blog website besides than your site (list their name down).
~No favourite..
21- Do u think by blogging can make u famous?
~Yup.. Nothing is impossible..
22- Do u support Rima Melati Adams or Ida Nerina? Please choose only one.
~Rima Melati Adams… I don’t know who is Ida Nerina..
23- Do u think Taufik Batisah or Hady Mirza has the nicest voice? Chose only one.
~Taufik Batisah..
24- Are u planning to adopt a child like Angelina Jolie does?
~Never thought of that.. I’ll have to discuss this with my parents and husband and his parents first..
25- Do u think you are pretty/handsome?
~I am more of cute.. But can be pretty at times, depends on how I want it to be..
26- Do u rate yourself as caring or understanding?
~Both.. But I can also be the most uncaring and most not understanding person ever.. Don’t piss me that is..
27- What is your occupation now?
~Daughter, Sister, Student, Sales Assistant, Climber.. But I am still looking for a job..
28- Where do u usually shop for your clothes?
~I don’t usually shop for clothes.. That’s my mummy and cousin’s job (:
29- Do u prefer dresses or t-shirt and shorts?
~Depends on my mood and where I am going to be..
30- If you were given a miracle to change something in yourself,
what would it be? List four.
~to have no fear of spilling out things (keeping things in me is making my life difficult)
~to be a good daughter
~to be an obedient person
~to take control of my life
If you wish to know what your friend’s secret is, pass this on to at least 8 girls.
Let them know if they got choosen for this survey!
~Must I know their secrets this way?? Can they like just tell me their own secrets?? I don’t like to do this kind of things.. I prefer them telling me on their own will rather then me asking it out from them..

Hasta La Vista

Please Don't Stop The Music...

2009-01-19T09:23:00.003+08:00

Finally Climb.Max ’09 is over. Yeah!!! Everything was a blast from the start till the end. There was some unforeseen circumstances here and there but everything was fixed and in action. Congrats to MR CUTE GUY in winning the ___ placing for the ___ Men’s category (Some info are kept confidential, if not ltr ppl will cfm know who he is). Hees… I told you, you can do it. xP

My life also has been in the adrenaline rush. Some has noticed that I am being very happy lately and ASKED ME WHY… Haizz.. You people uh.. When I am sad, ask why… When I am happy also ask why… Well, here are my answers...

I realize that I have been leading my life the wrong way. I kept feeling frustrated of not getting myself to be myself. It is as if there was something distracting me. I thought it was all the sadness that I have to go through. But actually, it was me all along. I’ve forgotten who I am and what I believe in. Since that day, I don’t feel angry anymore. There wasn’t any hollowness in me and no more of the pain. I knew I was alright. I am pulling myself together and being strong. And I conquered myself...

Slowly, all the illness and the pain that I was going through fade away. I stopped vomiting and got my appetite back. SERIOUSLY GOT MY APPETITE BACK!! I am as healthy as I was before. I am also starting my physical training to keep me fit and back in shape. And I conquered my illness and more of myself...

The best thing is, my mind don’t ponder on him anymore. My heart was immune to the pain. My tears stopped spilling. Which in all means I AM SOOOO OVER HIM… I can’t believe I did it. I though, the hurting won’t stop and im going to dread not having him. I thought my heart will break every night. But, nah.. We had a small conversation after school on Thursday. We cleared things out. I hope after this our relationship as a friend gets better. None of us want to hurt each other, I am sure of that. And I conquered him...

I didn’t attend school on Friday. Not because I want to skip class or whatever, I had an appointment to go to. Mum and dad ask for leave that day so that they can send me to TTSH. Once again, it was a total waste of time and money. Firstly, must wait so long for my number to be called. Then, about 5 minutes later, everything was over. Haizz.. Its either I was being so dumb that day or the doctor got something wrong. I don’t understand the slang of the doctor. So I was like “huh?” the whole time. And I totally don’t know what to say to him. The only thing I said that day was “I fell on my butt from about 2-3m height and I fractured my spine”. The doctor looked at the X-Ray of my spine then asks me to bend forward and backwards. Then he makes another appointment for me in a month time. Bullshit.. I should have shut up then all this wouldn’t happen. And I conquered my injured back (which I think I already did long time ago, it’s just my stupid mouth that I got to go through all this)...

On Saturday, it was the finals for Climb.Max ’09. I was busy being the route judge the whole day. Mind you, it is from morning (first category) around 10.00am to night (last category) 10.00pm. So it is like 12 hours of watching the climbers climb the ALC wall (if short never mind, so high up..my neck pain u noe). It was fun and totally exhausting. When the competition was ending, I realize that it was the 17th that day. Haha.. I so totally made the day with great accomplishments without him in my mind. I was chatting with Fiza about it and Izzat (who was eavesdropping) was trying to understand what was I kecoh-ing about. Too bad uh, I can’t tell you la Izzat.. Haha.. And I conquered my stress...

Also, the most best-est best thing ever, I “spent” my whole 17/01/09 with MR CUTE GUY. What’s not to be SOO HAPPIE about?? Teehees xP

There are still more issues that I have to conquer before I fix all the pieces in the puzzle. Till I do that, I am going to strive for success and keep on smiling (:

ps. I WANT MY PICS LA IZZAT!!!!!!

Hasta La Vista

Me And Me Only...

2009-01-14T12:25:00.004+08:00

I found this in one of my friend blog and was interested to kinda know more about me. After reading about it, I was laughing out to myself. Do I really possess all this? Haha…funny funny… But the best part is, it makes me think, it makes me realize what I have been doing to my life… To myself… How I have been coping with everything and how I had thought of myself. I deserve better. I believe that. Maybe it is time… Time to move on…to let go…to smile and really mean it…to start my resolution… So people, the new ME is here!! Better watch your way… (:

Hasta La Vista

Slap Forehead...

2009-01-12T23:43:00.001+08:00

Today is the 12th January and for nobody cares it is already been a month of living life without him. Keeping myself strong is the most hardest thing but it was the most important thing I have to do. Life has to go on, with or without him, but the feeling and the emotions were the worst thing I ever went through. And that was just part of it. Friends everywhere helped and advice me a lot but still it is easier said than done and you know it. I can’t forget him… I still look up to him in a way… I am still expecting him to be there… I do still love him… And I want things to be normal again, like the way things were before all this happens… Before we get together… Why can’t we just be that normal friend again? Why must there be this barrier between us?

Anyway, this goes to you who have been treating me in a “special” way. You know who you are!! The one thing I hate a lot about you is that you always judge him. Seriously, you don’t need to judge him and keep telling me that I don’t deserve this. Maybe that is true… Maybe I don’t deserve this but please stop repeating everything again and again.

Also the worst part is, you had the courage to try and get me. You are seriously getting into my nerves!!! You want straight forward, I give you straight forward. GET OUT OF MY LIFE AND STAY FAR!!!! I DON’T NEED YOU HERE IF YOU ARE GOING TO ACT LIKE THIS… I don’t care what you felt for me for what I know I don’t need it right now. You know this hurts me a lot and you still dare to ask me out on a date. That’s fine… I know I have to let go of this sooner or later but get this in mind… WE ARE JUST FRIENDS SO STOP ACTING LIKE IM URS!!! I feel uncomfortable with your extra care. I treat you as a friend only so please stop that childish act.

WE ARE JUST FRIENDS ONLY!!! And what’s up with you just now? It is very stupid of you to be angry about small unnecessary things… Give me the reasons again why can’t I say a person is cute? I seriously don’t get you. Why does it even matter to you? Saying a person is cute does not mean that you are interested in that person. That person is cute… You can’t deny facts right? And this is my right… There is no law against me about this… It didn’t state that I can’t say a person is cute… Wait… Don’t tell me you are jealous? You are so unreasonable...

Hasta La Vista

What The Hell Was I Thinking!!!!!

2009-01-11T21:08:00.004+08:00

Yesterday's competition was kinda okae. Everything was very very hectic and out of place. But in the end, everything was fine and done. Phew… 1 more day to go and Climb.Max ’09 is over!! In the morning around 7.15am, Fatin called me and I was half asleep, I think… blah, blah, blah… Then in the toilet bathing, I was thinking to myself if Fatin really called me or was that my dream. Hahaha

I was running here and there that day. Doing the registration for novice and intermediate category, then being the route judge for intermediate male category, then was at the registration for the open category, then the route judge for open male category. So I was running to and fro from the 1st story of the MPH (coz registration counter is there) to the ALC (coz the intermediate male and open male is climbing there) that day. Very very tiring and not to mention fun also… (:

Being the route judge is not an easy task especially for this year coz it was top rope competition. We not only need to judge them following the judging criteria (which is a little confusing coz got the + and – thingy), we also need to see if the climbers used the not-suppose-to-use-thing on the walls coz we need to disqualify them. I prefer being the route judge for the bouldering competition but it was a good experience for me.

Also, HE IS CUTE!!! laa sei… Hahaha… To people who know who I am referring to, please keep it to yourself and for people who don’t, well… Too bad (“,)… Teehees (:

Today started out boring. I need to wake up early to fetch my brother from tuition class. He finishes at 12.30pm but mum ask me to go out early coz this the first time I am fetching him and scared if I lost my way. *diao* I reached that place around 45 mins early. Haizz… Then the day got better. The whole family went to Northpoint to buy chocolates and buy my brother a new specs also get my lens change. Then we had our lunch at KFC. There was a lot of laughter but I don’t feel like telling them. I am so pissed off right now.

I am regretting telling my parents I wanted to get an X-Ray. I should have stayed with my stand and shut up about it. Now I feel like calling TTSH and cancel my appointment. I have gone through 2 months with my fractured spine, I can go on longer. What’s the point of going to the check-up anyway. It is not as if the doctors can do anything. It is just a waste of money and time. AAARRGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Hasta La Vista

Royale Republic Rumble...

2009-01-10T00:33:00.004+08:00

>Doing my work as the route judge (:

To everyone that has been expecting me, I am so sorry for MIA-ing lately. Hehe… I very the busy la people!!! (: I am the route judge, isolation helper and the registration helper for this year’s Climb.Max ’09. I play a very big role okae!! (“,) That is why I have to commit myself to Rock Climbing for awhile and put the others aside. I have been leaving class at 3.31pm since Tuesday to prepare and run the event. The competition on Wednesday and Thursday was fabulous. Climb.Republic has done a very good job to make sure everything was smooth. (: GREAT WORK CLIMBERS!!! ALLEZ!! Tomorrow (which is actually today, 10 Jan, Sat) is the big event and I have to make sure I am not sick. I can’t afford to be sick. I am needed everywhere, therefore, I have packed my medicine and water bottle in my back pack.

Need to be at the registration counter, then the ALC, then the registration counter again… I so am very the sleepy right now… Haha (: Will update more soon… Gotta sleep *yawn*

Hasta La Vista

Dread Of My Life...

2009-01-05T15:16:00.003+08:00

I am so tired right now. The day was just horribly wrong. I am still not me, I got no mood, my headache worsens every minute then the vomiting took place. Seriously wrong timing to get sick!!! I wonder why I didn’t get sick during the holidays. Why must it be when school reopens? How did I get sick in the first place? Doctors say it is just a little virus in my stomach and I just need little good bacteria to cure. My medicine is finishing but I don’t see any difference or any sign of getting well, it is more of worsen!!! Maybe it is the stress that I am going through right now. Every part of my life is flopping upside down and I don’t know how to make it better ):

I am really so weak. Funny thing is I did nothing in class today, so where did all my energy go? Why is the migraine getting worse? Why the vomiting? And why my back is hurting? I did my best to lighten my backpack today so I won’t be carrying heavy load to school. The check up day is getting nearer and my heart is pounding hard. I don’t want any bad news and I am afraid that my sickness will somehow affect or stress my back. I don’t want operation ):

I am really hoping the rest of the week will get better. There is only another 14 more days of school.. Cheer up Zee... Everything will be fine… I know it will… It has to... ):

Crying out with all my heart for everything to be better ):
Hasta La Vista

New Year...

2009-01-05T10:22:00.002+08:00

Why do I get a feeling that 2009 will be no difference then 2008? Haizz.. I still can’t get a reception to my head right now. I’ve tried my very best but it still doesn’t work. I still am not myself!!! I can’t get me to be me and think like me and act like me. There is still this hollow blankness in my head and I don’t know what that is for. This pissed me a lot laaa… Irritating as can be and I don’t know what to do right now. Can someone slap me? Or pull me back to the past where I haven’t been born yet?

This is the beginning of the year and there are a lot of hopes and wishes lingering in the air, people making resolutions, asking for forgiveness and forgiving others. Well, that is a great way to start I guess, doing something that will make you carry on with the life that you create. Me? hmm.. I don’t know… There is nothing to forgive about coz I always forgive and forget on the spot, I think. I don’t think anyone needs to apologize to me (: but I guess I need to apologize to a lot of people. I don’t specifically remember my mistakes but you can my point. I don’t intend to hurt or scold anyone, I don’t even understand myself sometimes. So people out there, PLS FORGIVE ME IF I DID ANY WRONGDOINGS TOWARDS YOU..IM SORRY ):

My resolutions? Haha.. TO BE A BETTER PERSON and TO KEEP ON SMILING WHATEVER THE SITUATION IS (: but I don’t think I’ll start now. There is still a lot to figure out...

Things I need for the New Year:
~ Speeding bus
~ Chain saw
~ Tool shed
~ Wire

Hasta La Vista

I Need A Cure...ASAP...

2008-12-31T14:30:00.003+08:00

School is starting next week and I am so super sick right now. Poor me.. ):

Yesterday...

12.00 am: I went offline then jumps on bed to cry my eyes out. Haizz..
1.00am: Turning around on bed coz I can’t find a comfortable position and was having major headache.
2.00am: I was reminded of the last conversation and wanted to call Noorul but don’t feel like disturbing her.
3.00am: Migraine was getting worse and I am not able to sleep so I took my pillow and blanket to the living room and tried to sleep there, but, no use. Actually I ran to the kitchen toilet to throw up everything I consumed that day. I mean it… EVERYTHING… From my breakfast to my supper.. Then I took a sip of the chocolate milk to get rid of the vomit taste that is lingering in my throat.
4.00am: Ran to the toilet again to throw up the milk. It was funny though coz I only take a sip but I vomited a lot. Doesn’t make sense but yeah whatever. I lay down on the mattress then remembered that you shouldn’t consume any dairy products when vomiting.
5.00am: I am still unable to sleep due to the migraine.
6.00am: Still can’t sleep and stomach was hurting so badly. I felt like throwing up again but it wouldn’t come out.
7.00am: Dad woke up to go to work. After seeing him off and telling mum that I am sick, she gave me this pill then the next moment, I ran to the toilet again… Vomiting… She called my aunt who is a nurse and my dad telling them that I am sick.
8.00am: I am still unable to sleep and was feeling so weak already.
9.00am: Mum went out with aunties to the market and had breakfast I guess.
12.00am: Mum came back with aunty. I went to bathe then lay down on bed feeling super dizzy. My vision went blank actually when I was walking from the toilet to my bedroom. Lucky I didn’t hit into anything.. Haha.. I really can’t see anything lorhs.. My vision was super unclear and was having super major migraine. I don’t think I was walking straight also. Then aunt suggest letting me drink cold tin fruit syrup. That helps… Then she bought the $1 ice-cream for me. Haha.. There is still half of it in the fridge coz I was already super tired to finish it.

Time went past and the only thing I do was lay down. Then mum cooked for me dinner and feed me too.. Teehees Xp… When dad arrived home at around 9.30pm, they (dad, mum, sis) send me to the 24hr clinic. The doctor gave me Dimenate (vomiting/giddiness), Veragel/Meclosil (gastric) and Lacteol Fort Cap (good bacteria). I was not feeling good after the visit so mum gave me Dimenate immediately. Dad drove us home as fast he could but it wasn’t quick enough. I couldn’t wait to climb up the stairs back home or take the lift (I live on the 2nd level). I threw up at the drain next to the lift.

Today seem fine. I still have the migraines and my stomach is still down but I haven’t been vomiting. Fever is still there. I hope I get well soon if not then I am not able to go to the ‘Paint A House, Light A Heart’ Project this Saturday and Sunday and school on Monday.. ):

Hasta La Vista

The dream that I can’t forget...

2008-12-29T23:36:00.003+08:00

Specially for you~

When I woke up, the feeling that I once thought was gone came back. The hurt… The lost… The wants… It took me down just like that, bringing back all the memories and everything that goes with it.

Everything was normal, everything was fine. The day was going through its ups and downs. People are running their life here and there. And I was also battling my way through what I call rules and orders. I can’t afford to fight it anymore. No one understands and acknowledge me of going further. I was sitting down watching the world past in front of me. Then there was a hand holding mine hard, giving me assurance. And I felt safe, felt loved. Then there was a peck on my cheek. I smiled and turned to the person, in my heart knowing who that person was and was totally sure it was you. I want that person to be you. But, it wasn’t you… The person was familiar… A person from my past… The sorrow that I felt was unbearable, my hopes were crushed… I denied… I lied… But it is still the same person, still not you...

Does this mean that you are gone forever? Not even there when I need you? Ever?

Now im drowned with others and not you in sight. Im drown with people that I don’t want to be with but you are no longer here to save me. I wish to have the last of you, something that I can take to carry on my life. I need your shoulders and your hugs to cry on.

That’s the dream I dreamt.

ps. Mummy pls don't let me do that.. Pls... I know you meant well when you ask me to give my pain to you, but im not going to do that. Im keeping the pain to myself. It has hurt me alot. Im not going to let you feel it. No!!!

Hasta La Vista

Dilemma...Confusion...Headache...

2008-12-27T16:27:00.004+08:00

The trip to Sentosa was super duper fun!!!!!!! I planned to post something about it but I wasn’t in the mood. Maybe next time yeah.. Also I lost the best picture of the trip. Haizz...

I am so stressed up right now. Whatever I do, I kept thinking about it. It is so freaking me out, Compressed Fracture L1. This is what has been bothering me. Mum talked to her client that is expert on this just now and she said it is very painful and if not given proper care, I may be paralyzed. It is the exact same thing as getting hit by a speeding car. Then my mum was like “Ohh..You are so strong. How can you bear this pain for 2 months? Lucky we send you for an X-ray, if not you are going to bear this pain for only God knows how long.” Haizz… I seriously think that all of them are just exaggerating. I don’t feel the pain like that…Or is it just that I’ve been feeling and keeping in a lot of pain to myself and this has caused me to feel this way? But I know that since that fall, there is a thing bulging out in my spine. Maybe that is the bone that has been crushed. Hmm… This is one thing...

And this is another… Mum said that my dad and she had agreed to send me to TTSH tonight rather than waiting till the appointment day. OMG!!!!!!!!! I so don’t want to go. This is the reason why I don’t like telling them about the pain. This is what I am afraid of. I don’t want to go there. She also said that if the doctor asked the rating of the pain, I must exaggerate about it. Tell them that it is about 7/10 or 8/10 even if it is not. One reason for this coz they will only check on you thoroughly if it really hurts and another is coz I am already like ‘immune’ to the pain and she know I will confirmed say around 4/10 or 5/10. ):

I am so in dilemma now. I don’t know if I really have to do that or not. Here are some possibilities that I had thought of.

If I exaggerate:
~ The doctors will make my condition as importance to them
~ They will attend to me more professionally
~ Find a possible diagnosed that will cure it in the most efficient way
~ I may be an IN-PATIENT (which I don’t want to)
~ I may be having tough therapy
~ I may even get myself into OPERATION!!!! (which I don’t want to)

If I do not exaggerate:
~ They will think it is a normal pain
~ They will try to subsides the pain
~ They will do things slowly
~ Go through a lot of possible way that I can do to prevent it from getting worse
~ They may find other alternatives for me
~ I may live with the pain forever or until my spine get well

I don’t know anymore… Haizz… So what am I suppose to do??? HELPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ps. Thanks to Mr. Cant-be-named for you know what… Haha… Secret between you & me (:

Hasta La Vista

A Trip To The Polyclinic...

2008-12-24T17:23:00.007+08:00

At last, I went to Yishun Polyclinics today. After many many months of ache and pain. Truthfully, it wasn’t that bad la. Haha… I don’t like going to the clinics and hospital, especially after the stay at KKH. After so many treatments, they still don’t know what is causing the pain. Haiz..

So I went there and spent my whole 2 hours (as if I got ntg bttr to do) !!!!!!!! Everything was fine and I was in total hunger after that. Dad didn’t allow me to eat coz im going to have an X-ray.

Me: Buy something for me can? I very hungry laaa..
Dad: No, you can’t eat. You are going to get an X-ray later
Me: Huh?? Since when go X-ray cannot eat??
Dad: That time when you were in the hospital, the doctor say cannot eat what..
Me: I was going to get MRI that time la, not X-ray. I ate what before having my X-ray the other time..
Dad (Looking at my bro & sis): Alah… Just don’t eat la.. Later they take X-ray then see all your food inside..Hahaha
Me: *diao!! Waliao..lame man..
Sis & Bro: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, whatever and I didn’t get to eat that whole morning. The doctor sent me for some tests then I got my X-ray. When the results came, she said that my bone is a little abnormal. There was a crack in my spine and she will make an appointment for me to go to Tan Tock Seng Hospital for further check-ups. Haiz.. First, KKH then now TTSH.. I hope nothing bad happens coz I don’t want to stay there. I prefer staying with babies then old people. NOT FUN!!!!! So, im going to take the photocopy of the X-ray and the appointment letter this Friday. But what this really means is that, I have to laid back Rock Climbing for a while. I couldn't be asking for something to fully break my spine now wouldn't I.

Class 4 Nobility (my sec 4 class) is going to have an outing this Sunday. They are meeting at Khatib Mrt (1145) and Ang Mo Kio Mrt (1200). Then heading to East Coast Park to do some bike riding, roller blade, some chit chatting, sun tanning and of course WATER ACTIVITIES!!! Fun right??? Haha.. But I won’t be able to go. SAD :( I need to work laaaa… Haiyooo… Can’t ask for off coz im already taking off next Saturday and Sunday to go to the Paint A Home, Light A Heart Project. :(

Don’t be sad coz tomorrow is CHRISTMAS!!!! Merry Christmas people!!! Hahaa.. I am so looking forward to Christmas. Not that I will be celebrating Christmas but my family has a whole lot of plan for that day. Last year, me and 2 other couzzies stayed at town till 3+ am. Hahaha..funny funny.. we stayed up all night not because we wanted to but coz we got LOST!!!! Haha.. and it was a super exercise for us coz we walked to and fro to the next MRT stations. Came to think of it, what’s up with us and MRT? People take train but we walked and me taking 1.5 hr just to walk to school. That is super crazy right?? But super fun also...

So here are the plans for tomorrow:
1) Eat breakfast outside together
2) Go shopping/window shopping
3) Watch Cicakman 2 at the nearest cinema
4) Go UNDERWATER WORLD!!!!!!!!!

Hasta La Vista

Maven IG G.E.T T.O.G.E.T.H.E.R Camp...

2008-12-22T14:53:00.035+08:00

Well I got 1 word..

AWESOME!!!!!!!...hahaha

>This was the start and everybody was soo IN the game..

>The Mute Game??? Hand Signals Baby....

>Waaahhh... All so HARDWORKING!!!..hahaha

>Smile: Team Anything?? <3

>WATER BASH!!!! haha.. I saved myself from all the wetness and run behind the goalpost

>Cut the cake B'dae Babies..Hope your wishes all come true

>Cheezzeeeeeeeee

>If it weren't for them, the camp wouldn't have existed.. THANKS GALS!!!!!

>Lastly, Me & Noorul <3...
haha..im holding on..im standing strong..THNX for being there
HUGS & KISSES...muackksss

Looking at the pictures, you will know how much fun the camp is right?? Haha.. So, I don’t plan to write anything more about it if not the post will be as long as Noorul’s post. Wakakaka… *Just joking Noorul, but really uh..the post was damn long lorhs.* And now, im just waiting for *someone who can't be named* birthday. *Someone else* have a lot of ideas im sure of that.. Hahahaha...

Hasta La Vista

Thanks For Everything Guys...

2008-12-18T22:12:00.012+08:00

I am SUPER tired and SUPER sleepy but I did promise NOORUL that I’ll blog tonight so here it is…*YAWN*..

Fun, smiles and laughter :)

After the crushing event, today was the first day of a whole lot of that. It started by having to give the indemnity form to school for the ‘Paint A House, Light A Heart’ Project. Me, Hafiz, Caliph and Rena planned to meet up at 2pm at Woodlands MRT. Ended up me and Rena have to wait for HAFIZ AND CALIPH FOR 1 HR!!!! Hahaha.. (BYK KRG NYE PKL 2)

Then NOORUL called and asked me where I am. The next thing I know I’ll be meeting her. They needed help for the water balloon for tomorrow’s camp. Hafiz and Caliph helped out by carrying the bucket full of the balloons back to the Anatomy Museum (strong la sei..wakakaka). Since they don’t want to go home then might as well help out right??

Angeline, Caliph, Hafiz, NOORUL and me then headed down to Causeway point to eat. Angeline kinda let out a few things. Can’t say anything here…CENSORED!!!!!!! (only the 3 of us know). Then a few more laughter starts at KFC. We went window shopping at Causeway and I showed them the shirt/dress wf hood that I wanted to buy. We took bus (considered yourself lucky NOORUL, I don’t usually give in to ppl who ask me to take bus!!!!) and we chatted and ‘eavesdrops’ on Hafiz and Caliph. We weren’t really doing that, it is just that those 2 clever boys were talking loudly.

We drop by my house and waited for my siblings, then went shopping again. NOORUL need to go off early to catch her cake and to sleep early. To think of it, I realized that I asked a lot of presents from Hafiz. Hahaha.. Buy me this, buy me that.. I want this, I want that.. He was being my older brother. I think. Hahahahahahaha…..

And tomorrow is another day to look forward to. MAVEN IG CAMP!!!!!
Anyway, thanks guys..

ps. *NOORUL requested for her name to be very big and ask me to say 'I love you NOORUL' and that she had tricked me alot today (who?? who?? who??) VERY SLEEPY SO I'LL SLEEP NOW..missing ur hugs and kisses (blown one to u)

Hasta La Vista

It Is Killing Me Again And Again...

2008-12-17T20:40:00.001+08:00

I’ve sworn to myself to let it go. Not to remember even though I miss a whole lot of him. And today is the 17. The day that was suppose to make alive, to make me the happiest girl in town. But now…

Hasta La Vista

Smiles And Laughter...

2008-12-15T20:13:00.011+08:00

After all that has been through, after all the pain that has suffered, it is time to let go. Holding on to it gives no benefit, thinking about it just hurts me more. It is time. All this happens for a reason and what my Baby always says, there’s always a blessing in disguise! All you need is patience and strong will. There is no point sobbing all day and all night. What has happen has happened. Don’t hurt yourself by it. Don’t think about it too much. Don’t depress yourself.

Wakakaka.. OMG !!! I can’t believe all that actually comes from me. Talking like a pro and trying to show a good example to others. Such a bullshit, you should try coming into my life and see what I really do. It is the TOTAL OPPOSITE!!! Hahaha…But hey, it is true okae.. Try applying all that when you are down, when you are at a total lost. It helps..

I know it seems super fast for me to get through all this. It is as if it doesn’t really matter to me. It does okae, there are thousands of bucket in the kitchen just filled with my tears (Not joking). It is either that I am too forgiving and forget, or just being too unbearably stressed up, or just having my mood swings again.

From what I know, I woke up yesterday feeling so happy and light. The burden from my heart just disappeared. The worries in my head vanished. And after that, everything just took its place. I was having a great day.

1. My boss just employed someone. Her name is Ain. Cool right?? Haha..The feeling of wanting to quit was blown away.

2. Back home, my mum spoke to me. At last she speaks to me again saying that she forgives me. After almost 1 month of speechless conversation, she speaks to me again. =]

3. I told Baby about it and told him how happy I was feeling. I think it makes him smile (I hope coz that is my intention) and hope it takes of some of his burdens and worries away. He is going through a lot right now. But hey, I will always be here for you okae dear. Now you have one less thing to worry about. Do your stuff, don’t worry about me coz I’ll be fine.

4. I cheered Noorul up (“,). She was also super sad and has been sobbing for 1 week now. She had issues about the exact same thing I was having. But it is not her and her bf, it is her and her best friend/sister/someone she looks up to. The relationship just falls apart.

Welcome aboard my lady!!! Haha..I am so bad right?? Well, who cares, you still love me..I know you do..Don’t lie Noorul.. Wakakaka.. All it takes is a smile. A smile of care, sincere, love and happiness. Smile with me, anyone. <3

This is for you..for all of you

I may not run very far
I may not be a superstar
Try my best, I must
In my strengths, I trust
I am glad to be me
I am a VIP! (mcm phm..)

ps. thnx for ur support everyone..love u lots <3

Hasta La Vista

Journey Of Despair...

2008-12-13T23:22:00.048+08:00

It is hard for me to breathe. Everything is stuck there. It’s suffocating.

From 021008
I still remember the things we said that night. We were reluctant to tell and were afraid it might go wrong. Not wanting to expect the unexpected. Not ready for rejections. But, we were very thankful we did coz after saying those words we realised we shared a common thing.. And that was Love.

To 171008
We made alot of sacrifices, believed in each other, trust that we can make each other happy. We were ready. We hold hand in hand (with a little smell of cigarettes and peanut butter - if u rmbr..) and was ready to take on any challenge the world gives us.

It was a bumpy journey, there were terrors and sorrows but we stayed on smiling and laughing. Coz we are sure nothing will pull us apart. Then the clouds turned darker then usual. We hold each other tighter, ensuring we are still together. Standing strong..

And Now 121208
Deep in our hearts, we are hurting really bad. Every night I wished it would go away. Hoping it won't affect our relationship (I hope u did). But it took over us. Our hands were slipping. You don't believe anymore and I think trust has gone long time ago. I was unsure what might happen next but wasn't expecting the worse.

You took a step ahead. You let go of my hands knowing it will hurt, but only for a moment. You don't wish to ruin my future or hurt me in any way. Simply, you asked me to move on as if nothing has happened. As if all those days together has no meaning. It is really hard to believe. It is really hard to walk away especially when you really love somebody, when you really care. It tears me up inside, to know that we part. But I still love you and I'll still care. That was the promise I made before you went afar.

Now 17 means nothing anymore. Everything is only memories that will fade away with time. It can't be written in black and white, can't be kept till forever ends. Crying in silence. That's the only thing I can do. At least I know I did my best and fight for us. The tears won't stop rolling. It won't stop showing up.

I can cry suddenly in the middle of my work, when there weren’t you near, not even in my head. I don't understand why. Is it even possible in the first place?

Hold my hands, and never let go..
Let me guide you back to the light
Lets do this together baby,and no, lets not give up halfway
I got you and you got me, thats all that I need
On three we would take that leap together, holding hands
One, two, three....

Sounds familiar??? What does it mean to you that time?? What bout now??

I was scanning through your blog and found this 'ZeeQah, just feel free to say things out. Remember, you might never know what can happen, so why not just take a shot. =)'.. From what have been going on past few months, I realise that was suppose to be the last thing I do. Take a shot. Coz it turned out wrongly.. It turned out real bad.. Accidentally in love?? Maybe that was the cause of it. Or is it butterfly effect?? Also, there is no difference between the 2nd and the 17th.. Both have a sad ending. Not beautifully sad, but frustratingly sad.

Words from your mouth still ring in my ear. And it's scarring my heart every time I hear it. I didn't expect you to say that on the phone just now. Just for your info, I rarely get what I want in life. Coz what I want is usually what my mum doesn't agree on. That is why it means so much to me. That's why it is hard for me to let go. Just like Rock Climbing. You gave me so much hope which in the end turns to nothing. Is this called lasting? If it is then I don't want anything to last. Felt as if the waves had drowned me, pulling me down to the beds of sand.

YOU PICKED ME UP, THEN CRUSHED ME FLAT..

Hasta La Vista

Crazy Crazy Crazy Crazy !!!!!!!!!!!

2008-12-10T17:21:00.004+08:00

The past few days have been rather complicated and crazy day..

Yesterday was a total MOOD SWING for me. I change into different moods and emotions after every split second. My poor Baby had to go through tough times with me. I actually lost count how many times I scolded him for no good reason. It is the memories and the frustrations that haunt me that time. I kept remembering about it and felt the hurt that went through with it. I was also having major headache and no mood to eat. It was such a trouble. Anyway, sowie Sweetheart!!!! Also there may be a future band in the class. Teehees…

Today, I mean now, then I realize that my hp was gone..Wakakaka.. Hafiz and I looked for it but still not found. He tried to call my hp and there wasn’t any feeling of vibrations anywhere (hp will always be in silent and vibration mode, even at home). I wasn’t really that panicking la as hmm…I dnt really care. So I sit down and open my outlook to check for the days mails. And this is what I saw…

Good Day,

This is to inform you that your Sony Ericsson Handphone has been found and is kept at One-Stop Centre. Kindly make a trip down to Counter 0 (Deliveries) - One Stop Centre (Republic Polytechnic) to collect it by 24th December 2008.

Failure to do so by the stipulated date will result in the item being donated/discarded/returned to the relevant agency.

Cheers,

Stanley Tan
Executive Assistant (Deliveries)
One-Stop Centre Republic Polytechnic
DID 31001001 Fax 64151310
www.rp.sg/osc

P.S. Please be informed that the General Enquiries Counter remains open at OSC after 6pm till 8pm on weekdays and on Sats from 8am-6pm (except public holidays).

(wanted to upload the mail but it was super blurr)...

Hahahahaha… Then Hafiz and I was wondering to ourselves and playing investigation of how my hp landed up there. Hmm.. Very very strange… I really don’t remember me bringing it out of class.

Well, tomorrow’s plans is going movie with malay classmates and watch Bolt. Then after that, I’ll head straight to my chalet. Yeepee!!!! Going to overnight there and come to school the next morning from there (not really sure la but that’s my plan).

Hasta La Vista

Are You The One???

2008-12-07T01:12:00.003+08:00

Ever wonder if you have met the right person? Or is that person willing to go all the troubles and the extra mile just to be with you? Will the person be there when you needed strength and support? Will the love that has been shared together last forever?

These are the thoughts that have been running through my mind these past few days. I don’t know what’s wrong or what’s bothering me. But every time I look at him, these are the thoughts. Well, I guess it is good coz I’ve never been thinking about these with all my ex. Too much has happen in a short while. Everything is kinda tangled rite now. But knowing that you are there for me, believing that you will support and encourage me, confident that you love me, took me further from where I can go. This feeling I have for you, is so different. It is more …

People say that a good relationship starts by having not to worry about what the other party will think of you. They love you for being you. You don’t need to fix yourself and what manners or personality you put on they will still love you. That is the true meaning of love. It is the connection that you share together which will bring the relationship to the next level.

As long as you get real with yourself, stop making excuses, know what you really want, stick to it and make it clear to the person, then you will be safe from too many mixed messages, misunderstandings and frustrations. When you treat your goal of meeting the right person seriously and important, then you will stay motivated to find him or her, and when you do, you will finally be able to begin the kind of relationship that you have always longed for, needed and deserve.

Hasta La Vista...

After School Adventures...

2008-11-29T01:37:00.026+08:00

Hey hey hey…

I haven’t been updating my blog lately..No adventures, what to do??? Well, today there’s a lot that has happen. =P

Days after school…

I went to the sports complex today and see my Rock Climbing frends..AT LAST!!! I really miss them laaa. I miss climbing also. I know I am going to climb again one day..one day… anyway, they climbers are preparing a birthday bash rock climbing style !!! Haha…BANANA SPLIT !!!! Main ingredients?? Haha..Banana (of course), chocolate syrup, flour (haha) and turmeric powder (teehees)… This is made especially for the two b’dae boys..Eat them yaw !!! HAPPIEEE BIRTHDAY !!!!!!

>The Banana Split !!!!

After this was REFLECTION CLOSING BASH !!!!!!! Wakakaka…Taufik Batisah !!!!! Hmm… there was a lot of performance and the whole package was awesome. Love the lighting and the surround. Everything was excellent (not perfect coz my Baby Weewee wasn’t there with me).

First up was Sonic Avenue, Syaz was the drummer.. Cool la sei..haha.. U ROCK MAN !!! The next performance was Freaky Z.. He was super fun la. His songs were all not bad. Quite to my liking surprisingly. Then was Pravin and erm this guy from Triple Noise singing I’ll Always Love You. And then again, I was thinking of my Baby. Next up was RP’s very own Hip Hop Crew. Ragu and Aini performed and they were hopping hot I tell you. The crew was awesome !!!! ..

Then there is this group called Natalie something (sorry, I forgot..teehees). They were actually doing all this for their FYP. Cool shit or wat?? (quoted by Syukri). There’s this guy after that singing Chinese song. It was nice but boredom as well (don’t ask me how nice and bored click to each other). The second best performance was…REPLUG !!!!! Oh my God, the guy was totally cute la and he sing like there was no tmr..FABULOUS !!! .. then..then..then..came TAUFIK !!!!!!

Haha.. just so you know, I got no hots on him okae..not for the Replug guy also. Yeah yeah..they are cute and all.. But, my Baby will always be the cutest and the hottest. Blueks !!! I bought Taufik’s newest album Suria Hatiku and got his autograph. No, I still don’t adore him. I bought it out of boredom and coz im feeling very crazy. The one and only person in my heart is my Baby. NO ONE ELSE !!!!

>Oh mY Oh mY...

> Friends Forever

>Muacks !!

Well, there you go. That’s my adventure after school. Now who say RP suck??? RP is the best okae !!! Coz we ROCK.. =P

ps. Wanie...I update already okae.. Teehees =D

Hasta La Vista...

Im Lost...Really Lost...

2008-11-24T01:22:00.003+08:00

Once I thought you were not important.
I thought not having you was the best thing that can happen.
I’m wrong..Really wrong.
I miss you. I miss you a lot.
You were there when I was sick.
You were there when I was in pain.
You are always there for me, rain and shine.

You are right. I am very ungrateful.
For everything that you have done I took advantage of it.
I didn’t appreciate it.
I didn’t care about it.
I’m really really sorie.
I know this is not enough. This won’t do.
This won’t heal.
After what I’ve done each and everday.
And now you are gone.
Not there anymore.
Gone…

It feels that I am too late.
Too late to change.
Too late to ask for forgiveness.
I’ve done too much and it hurts you.
Love was there, care was there.
Everything is there, it’s just me who didn’t see it.
Didn’t appreciate it.
I am really really sorie..

I want you back.
I want you here.
Pls…

Every night I cry for not getting what I want.
Feeling that you don’t understand me.
Feeling that you don’t care and you don’t love.
Hating you for all that.
Wishing you will just give me my life.
But now, I cried to get you back.
Wishing that what I wished didn’t come true.
I am really sorie..
Really really sorie…

Ytd I realize I didn’t cry alone.
My sister cried with me.
It makes me feel worse.
What I did didn’t only affect me, it affects my surrounding as well.
I’m sorie…

Now I really wish that I’ll just disappear.
Since I can’t turn everything around.
Since I can’t go back to the past.
But deep inside, I’m really hoping that is not what you want.
Pls forgive me…pls…

Im really sorie

Hasta La Vista...

Adventure In The Morning...

2008-11-21T16:25:00.001+08:00

People say I am crazy.. Some say I got nothing better to do..

I woke up super early todae (for me la)..hehe.. At 6.30am, my alarm clock rang. Lalala..I was out of my house by 7.30am to go school. Well, this is super early la.. School is at Woodlands and class starts at 9am. I live in Yishun !!! It takes about 10 min from Yishun to go to Woodlands by Mrt. Hehe..

I took the long cut to school todae and took 1 hr 30 mins to reach school. It was fun, exciting, and made my emotions run high..Haha..I WALK TO SCHOOL TODAY !!! Hehe.. By the time I reached school, my stress is gone, tiredness and sleepiness turns to hyper and energetic.

Yishun – Sembawang: there wasn’t any nice view. Everything was…erm…dull. So I am not going to talk about it except that it was the longest journey. I took 30 mins to reached there.

Sembawang – Admiralty: Hmm.. What do I need to say?? There are only factories and factories and more factories. But..but..but before I enter the rows of factories, there is a smell of satay.. Hahaha.. I don’t know where that comes from but yeah..Satay !!!! And when I reached the end, there is roasted chicken smell.. Hahaha…

Admiralty – Woodlands: 1 comment only..Admiralty is the best place ever !!! Its flora there is really really nice. I love the whitish flower the most. It gives out very nice smell which brings up my mood and keep the tired feeling away. To add on, it somehow relieve my stress.. I am guessing later in future, I will alight at Admiralty and walk to school. Teehees =P

Super duper fun !!!

Hasta La Vista...

I Am Still Here...Still Standing Strong...

2008-11-19T23:48:00.002+08:00

It happens..You can’t deny that..It just happen..

I know it is wrong, I know we are not supposed to do that. But we did it and that is done. You don’t have to go around judging him. You don’t need to hate us. He was protecting me, protecting our rights. What is wrong with that? Like you said, love is NOT blind. Love is beautiful. My love is beautiful. Everything that has happen is beautiful. It will still stay beautiful. I believe that. I am not blind. I know exactly what is happening. I allowed him. I know what he did and I know what he felt. He is smart. He is talented. I believe that. And I know he is not using me, he is not taking advantage of me. He is not playing with me.

You said something just now which made me thinks. All this time, I was in my own way. I was the one who didn’t allow me to stand on my own two feet. I didn’t stand on my own rights. I didn’t stand strong. And for the first time, my alter ego agreed on that. I am sorry if I were to blame you for making me like this. But sometimes, there isn’t really much choice for me.

It was hard for me to say that just now. It took me a lot of courage to say out what I wanted to say. And it is such a relieve. I am really tired of keeping things to myself. It just made my condition worse. I am already depressed enough. I am going to care for myself now. I am going to change for the better. What he did was really impressing but it didn’t amaze me. Maybe what you said is true. Maybe..maybe…

I am going to take another leap..
Another chance to strike..
Another opportunity for us being together..
Another story to start...

I don’t plan for us to part. I don’t plan for us to hate. You made a good impression at first, but you left a bad one in the end. I don’t blame you. We will make this happen again. I am sure of that. I promise you, whatever happens in the future, I WILL STILL CONTINUE TO CARE FOR YOU.

I am going to take another jump, to start anew..
Will you come with me?

Hasta La Vista...

Our Conversation

2008-11-19T17:00:00.007+08:00

ZeeQah
I dnt noe wat to do...
Kinda lost...
There is nothing in my head...
All blank...
So blank...
Super blank...
Blank Blank Blank...

Syukri
Why so blank baby??
Tell me whats bothering you or maybe whats stressing you...

ZeeQah
I miss you...
I miss you badly...
I dnt noe why...
All I think about is you...
And I wonder why I do that sometimes...
Wonder what will happen when u're not there...
Wonder what makes our relationship so bright to me...
Wonder why I care for you too much...

Syukri
*smile* All I can say right now is just be in my arms...
Let me be with you every sec, so when you miss me, I'm here for you to hug...
*hugs and kisses*

ZeeQah
I love you...

Syukri
Hahahaha.. I love you more than you know... =D

ZeeQah
I wanna be wf u all dae long..
Now and forever <3

Syukri
I never say cannot!!! wakakakaka...
Be glad to be there with you every moment... <33

ZeeQah
Tell you a secret...

Syukri
Ok, when you tell me, don't let the others hear you know...
Later not secret anymore.. Hahaha.. What is it??

ZeeQah
Okae..can2..*whisper*...

Syukri
Aww... Really??
I know that.. Thanks baby.. =)

ZeeQah
I love you...
I really do...
And wishing it will be forever...
*hugs and kisses*

Hasta La Vista...

1st Month Anniversary...

2008-11-17T22:11:00.002+08:00

I LOVE TODAY....thnx baby <3

I dnt noe bout u but I felt I spent my whole day going around the world. Thank u for spending those wonderful moments with me despite being super duper tired and sleepy. This means alot to me, esp aft having u so far away from me for so many days. Just so u noe, U MAKE ME SUPER HAPPY TODAY !!! (",)

Me and Baby had breakfast at McDonalds (thnx for the Hot Cakes) then went arnd AMK. Aft that, we headed to Changi Airport !!!! The BEST-EST BEST place to spent time together. Like I said, I went around the world today.

Each kiss from u blows me to the other side of the world. I went to Australia, Japan, Macau, Brazil, Sweden, Canada... Hahaha.. This is soo exaggerating !!! I noe I noe.. But wat am I to do?? This is the best day of my life. I LOVE YOU..I LOVE YOU..I LOVE YOU <3

I still can't believe that we are together for a month now. It's super fast la.. Well, I kinda hope it will continue like this. Than we'll be spending time together for the rest of our lives. *Wishing for it to happen every nite*

Happy Anniversary Sweetheart
Love u lots lots <3

ps. Do rmbr to eat ur medications okae dear..And stop scratching the bites !!! U'll just feel more itchy ltr..go wash it or sometink aites.

Hasta La Vista...

Days without my Baby Syukri...

2008-11-17T00:39:00.002+08:00

Days without my Baby Syukri...

Friday, 14 Nov
Class is having VB todae and its pretty boring. I have forgotten a lot of things about coding and was in no mood to do. I don’t noe if it is just me or the class is getting colder. They should have turn up the temperature for God's sake. It is the rainy season !!!! Or maybe, I noe why im feeling so cold.. I miss my baby’s warm hugs and kisses . In this cold weather and boring class, it is super nice to sleep now. *Thinking bout my sweetheart*.. Gonna try help Zahra do the VB. Better not to rot and keep thinking bout my baby. Im just gonna make myself miss him more.

(12.40pm) Thinking how my baby is doing..
(1.09PM) I want by baby..

Everyone can't seem to figure out how to do the VB and one by one all is leaving class. Now, I really don't noe wat to do. To stay in class (do ntg coz I also dnt noe how to do) or follow them. I plan to escape from class on Monday and spent time with my baby.. I don't noe. I still have no plans to wat to do ltr. Teehees..

(1.43pm) Butterflies in stomach and headaches..Wishing my baby was here..
(2.05pm) Im going down now to buy bubble tea..To relieve my stress away..

You noe wat?? The plastic cover of the buble tea will usually haf pictures or watever rite.. Mine has the picture of a sheep and the letter "S".. Haha.. "S" for Syukri !!!! Oh manss, im really missing him. I gotta stop this. The more I think bout him, the more im gonna miss him. Now there's only 2 groups left. All the malays haf gone and they did ask me to join them but... NOOOOOO !!!!! Im not going !!!!! I will not go.. Teehees =P

(3.14pm) My VB is done.. Kinda plagiarise.. Hehe.. The first team is getting a hard time answering the faci..
(3.47pm) My team just finished presenting
(4.20pm) Listening to the 6p and feeling very very sleepy *yawn*
(5.15pm) I just woke up from sleep..wth!!

Saturday, 15 Nov
The ULTIMATE Race !!!!! NO WONDER, CHIRON !!!! This event occupied my whole day.. NO WONDER, CHIRON !!!! Met up wf Noorul and Ima at woodlands MRT at 8.45am??? Hahaha...Janji melayu... The race was a success but..NO WONDER, CHIRON !!!!

1) ADMIRALTY PARK. Funny funny.. We spent 30 mins there for no gd reason. All because we dnt noe there are THREE BRIDGES there.

2) JURONG BIRD PARK. We took cab there and spent arnd $15. Stupid fool..NO WONDER, CHIRON !!!!

3) SINGAPORE BOTANICAL GARDENS. Best or wat???? NO WONDER, CHIRON !!!! We ran, jog and walk all arnd. It was fun. It was tiring. And some ppl was trying to cheat us off. Hmm...They really shld tink first before messing wf us !!! Lol.. LOSERS!!!!

4) SINGAPORE ZOOLOGICAL. Went there to get us eaten by White Tigers.. Haha..(Zee, this is not funny la). Lucky Ima was able to see the signage in the picture, if not... I tink we'll still be running our ass off in the Botanical Garden. NO WONDER, CHIRON !!!!

5) MACRITCHIE RESERVOIR. Huhu.. We caught up wf the first team there. =P Tkmo mrh2 ehk krg..

6) EAST COAST PARK. This is the most WOW place.. NO WONDER, CHIRON !!!!

Bet this.. You need to go all this places by 4pm and do all the task by MRT and BUS !!!!! Craziee rite???? Watever la.. MAVEN IG RULES...No wonder, CHIRON...

Anyway, thnx Daddy..love you so much (",)

Sunday, 16 Nov
Woke up at 8am today. Mummy said that we are going for some outing..Haha.. At last we do sometink together as a family. I miss the days we would go out to eat together. I miss going to Johor every Saturday or Sunday together.

We went for breakfast first (the usual place). But today, the food there wasn't as appetizing as usual. Dad was complaining his food actually shouldn't haf this, shouldn't haf that. Sister also said sometink bout hers but I forgot wat. Teehees =] And mine?? Well, I ordered Mee Rebus. It's okae la except for the noodle. Why do they haf to cut the noodle?? I like it long !!!!! Lalalala.. I was eating peacefully when I notice there's this guy infront of me kept glancing at my direction. At first, I hack care. I am sooo NOT interested. Then it became super annoying. U noe, its super irritating when u want to eat and u noe people are watching. Yeah..He's doing that. So I decided to stare at him back. Guess wat he did??? He smiled..A sweet sweet smile..Which was politely returned by a WATEVER-IDIOT-FACE by ME.. Teehees. If Syukri was there, he'll be so dead !!! Lols.. Now im really missing his smile..his laughter..his kisses..his hugs..his stupid nonsense (which makes me laugh for no gd reason). I MISS YOU BABY...

Aft breakfast, we went to Causeway point. Brother needs pants !!! Haha.. The usual, we went to John Little to search for his Criss Cross Pants (his fav brand). I tried his pants just now and guess wat.. His waistline is bigger then mine la.. Hahaha.. My sis sae I looked very the cute when wearing that. I dnt noe. It's baggy.. Hip hop Woohoo!!!!! Then we went to Orchid Country Club. They were having a Family Carnival cum Bazaar. My sister was all excited bout it for days but it was a total BOREDOM !!!! Really ddnt expect it will turn out that way. Seriously, the clothes there we like..hmm..bleh la..bleh tahan BUROK lagi ade (SUPER DUPER FUGLY). Everytink there was SERIOUSLY BORING.. Is that wat they call family day??? OMG... We went there just to get popcorns..Haha..Better than ntg man. Aft that we went to Northpoint (no where else to go). The new shopping place was nice. Better than the carnival..Everytink there was having sale. SALE !!! SALE !!! SALE !!! Hahaha..And im going to buy the blue blouse that's $19.xx =P

Bought Chewy Juniors (ppl who dnt noe wat's this than u bttr try fast coz ur missing a whole lot of joy in cream puffs) and Old Chang Kee before heading hm.

I had a dream just now and erm..Its bout food. Yeah..FOOD !!! Weird.. Well, at least now my baby doesn't need to worie bout me not eating. I've been fed well sweetheart. Even in my dreams. Teehees <3>

Miss ur hugs & kisses

Hasta La Vista..

I Love You...

2008-11-14T00:55:00.006+08:00

My dear Baby,

No matter what happens I’ll always be yours.

Just to let you know, I miss you every day.

Even when you are right there in front of me.

There are no words that can explain what I am feeling right now.

The only thing I want is for you to hug me and lay your head on me.

To be assured that you are fine and safe.

It is not that long that we have been together but I felt as

if this relationship has been going on for such a long time.

I am really glad that I took that leap and trusted you to catch me when I fall.

You have been there for me whenever I need you.

Thank you so much.

Thanks for catching me whenever I fall.

Thanks for leading me to the path I need to go.

Thanks for being here by my side.

Please do take care of yourself when you go for your camp.

I am not there to look after you.

But remember, I will always be here when you need me.

To lend you my shoulder.

To give you my hugs.

To send you my kisses.
I love you...

ps. Can I request not to be in ur coffee??? I dnt really like it..
Rather be in ur heart.. <3

Hasta La Vista...

Damn Fucked Up !!!!!!!

2008-11-10T21:40:00.003+08:00

Ever felt u dnt belong? Watever u did was nvr enough? People expect more than that and will nvr be impress by ur hardwork? They go all around thinking they noe u best but when u tried to be that person, they sae u fake it. It just ain't working. Im lost !!! Lost in my thoughts... Lost in my world... Everything is getting worse, I cnt find myself no more. I cnt find the reason to live. A reason to fight. Cried every night wishing things would get bttr, but only God noes wat happen. Wat am I suppose to do? How can things be bttr? If a car would hit me and leave me dead, I dnt think anyone would ever notice. Their lives would be bttr I guess. Bttr without me...

Sometimes I do plan to do something lyk that. Just getting out of their lives. I dnt noe wat to do anymore. I am tired... Tired of thinking... Tired of listening and trying to make it bttr... Tired of being the person Im not... Im just going crazy... Im so stress !!!! My heart is so heavy. Why am I here? What is the reason for my existance? Why am I not dead? Isn't it bttr that way... No one will get hurt. No more reason to fight. No more misery.

I noe Im not suppose to think of all this. I have Syukri with me and watever happens he will be here for me. I noe that...but still.. *Sob Sob* Im so sowie sweetheart. I noe this hurts. I noe u'll do ur best to help me and take this burden off me but I noe nothing can be done. I've been feeling this way since I was young. And this problem is still here. Dnt u worie so much okae baby, I'll be fine... I just need time for myself I guess. To calm myself.

Firstly this morning, my laptop cnt sign in to VPN. I was olready annoyed and was in no mood when I got to sch and this just adds on to it. How bad can the dae be? Well...REALLY REALLY BAD !!!! During the second breakout, I sent it to the IT- helpdesk.. Got it back and I thought everything will be fine. Turn out, that was just the starting of the disaster. Stomach got really bad and I was vomitting during presentation. Manager called in last minute telling me I dnt need to work. Was having no appetite to eat at all. Actually, I haf not eaten for 3 days olready. I haf been surviving on cold water only. Then now, when I got hm... My laptop is giving me tons and tons of prob. Cnt use wireless. Cnt sign in to VPN. Cnt log in to LEO. Cnt send in my RJ. Cnt use the Microsoft Power Point & Word. UT client and UT agent not working..TMR GOT UT LA SEI !!!!

FUCKING ASSHOLE DAMN SHIT.. arrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fatin, Fiza and Rena talk to me just now talking bout the same old topic. "Zee, u not gonna climb anymore??".. Yeah I noe it's sad that Im not climbing anymore and this wasn't wat anybody suspect would happen but it did. YES, I AM NOT CLIMBING ANYMORE!!!!!! Pls, can we not talk bout this anymore?? Im still paranoid as it is. Im still mad at wat has happen. All of u noe that I love climbing so much. It is not my decision to stop climbing. I still want to climb. I miss going to Sports Complex aft class. I miss climbing. I miss joking around and climbing all the routes with all of u. But rite now, no one is approving me to climb. NO ONE!!! How sad can that be? Im so sowie guys.. Fatin, I really dnt noe if I can still keep the promise and train u to be one of the best. Fiza and Rena, Im really sowie that we cnt be the TERUKS anymore. Im really really sowie Mummy.. Yeah we are all sad, but pls dnt be coz it'll make me feel more bad. =(

Hasta La Vista...

Opening of Bata...

2008-11-09T00:31:00.004+08:00

I am super tired.. Had a long day today.. I've not been working for about 2 or maybe 3 long months and have been super lazy all the time. Today was suffering !!! I was feeling sleepy and tired at about 2pm (only 2 hrs had passed) then all the pain was coming back. My legs were feeling tired and my back was aching. The first day wasn't wat I had expected. It was more fun than that..haha.. Alot have change comparing to the one before this. Still, there are some little things that stay the same.

1. I still have the habit to walk around the shop and poke to every shoe (feel the sponginess..haha)
2. Kenny and me still fight and pick on each other every minute.. Teehees
3. Kenny still haf the habit to try all the shoes in the shop (Secret btwn u and me..I think he try on ladies shoes as well..wakaka)
4. I still admire children's shoes and wish I could get them for myself
5. Kenny keep calling me names..ishhh (watever la ehk..I noe Im still bttr then u)

I noe I lyk to admire and comment on the guys that pass through the shop last time. But now..heee..I cnt really do that..If I did, that would be my alter ego. She nvr listens to me. But for me, I'll still think of my baby and how hot he is..*innocent face*..Teehees

Well, yeah..It was fun. I kinda miss working but now since I am going to start work again.. It means that I will not haf free time anymore..sigh.. When I returned home just now, mum was very excited and happy. She took out the calculator and start estimating my pay for the mth. Haha..how bad can that be?? That was supposed to be my job. I always do that the last time. Teehees..

Since I am not going to climb anymore, mum wanted me to work everyday (MON TO SUN).. I haf to work even during sch daes. I dnt mind actually, but, how am I to commit and find time for my baby?? I wnt get to spent time wf him anymore aft sch..sigh.. Looking at the calender, I just notice...
next 2 weeks is our 1 mth anniversary..
I got 5 more weeks to see my baby..
then, 3 weeks of holidae (the first week lies our 2 mths anniversary)..
3 weeks of seeing him in sch again (our 3rd mth anniversary lies on a SAT which means CANNOT SPENT TIME COZ MUST WORK)..
then, NO MORE SCH!!!!!! Which means...I CNT SEE HIM OR SPENT TIME WF HIM ANYMORE. The only thing I'll be doing is work and work and work and work and work..

Gosh, Im really really super sad rite now. But baby, no matter wat I will keep my promise to u. We will (I dnt noe when) eat breakfast together, watch a movie together and haf dinner together..sigh.. Mummy told me just now that by sch start for 2nd yr, I must haf $1000 wf me. The rest of it (if there's any) will be my shopping money for clothes and stuff. Teehees..

I love u so so much..Muacks!!!

Hasta La Vista...

Missing You More Than Ever...

2008-11-07T10:04:00.010+08:00

The days are getting lesser…
Time is getting shorter…
Emotionally getting stronger...

Looking down upon u, the world was getting more beautiful. Meeting u was a gift fm God, getting to know u was a choice I made (which im really thankful I did), loving u was unintentional. Time is really hard for us to get rite now. Even though we are always busy running our own lives, I just wanna let u know that im always here loving u and supporting u. Ur the sweetest guy I’ve ever met. As far as im concern, I will not let my existence stop u fm doing wat u love (even if it means not getting to see each other). These are just little sacrifices that will go a long way in our relationship. That is wat I believe. So don’t u worie bout me coz I’ll be fine.

Jump for Joy Challenge was a disaster. For the past weeks, the past meetings, everything was fine. It was going according to plan. Everything was rehearsed. Last minute, that IDIOT lady change everything!!!! Wat a stuck up!!!!! Arrghhhhhh…

Anyway, my back is getting bttr. Yeepee!!!!! It aint hurting no more but I still got to be careful though. I cnt be putting stress on it anymore. I won’t do anything that will make it worse. All thnx to my baby and wat we talked abt tt dae in Long John Silver. Saying is praying, believing is making it true. Watever tt is said by u is a prayer and when u believe bout something, it will come true and it will nvr change. The power of our mind!!

Met up wif Danial ytd..He was lepaking under my block. Guess wat, he injured his leg. Coincidence or wat?? Akhil injured his hand, I injured my back and Danial injured his leg. BFF..haha

**Stomach is growling..haha

Hasta La Vista..

Paranoia...

2008-11-03T10:12:00.003+08:00

Do u believe in fortune tellers or being psychic? Do u believe in the supernatural world? Ghost and demons? I do..I believe in all these “craps” coz somehow I haf experienced all of them. I saw a lot of them before. Being haunted by them before. I was admitted to hospital last year before my O levels. Sometink bout my lower back.

I was the healthiest kid in my family and around my friends. I rarely fell sick. My body was immune to coughs and flues. But last year, after my NAPFA test, I started having cramps around my lower back. My mum said that I overworked my muscles and needed a lot of rest. The pain continued for weeks. Even Porous Capsicum Plaster (Medicated Plaster) wnt heel it. The pain worsens and worsens. To add on to my misery, at tt time my grandma was in hospital. She has cancer and was critical. I was taken care by my close couz and my aunt. They live near my hs so yeah.. My mum and dad would be in hospital aft work. My siblings would follow them sometimes. My couz brought me to the Polyclinic for check ups. Doctors gave me pain killers (indomethacin) and some cream for muscle pain relieve. Ate them and went to sleep aft reaching “hm”. Guess wat happen when I woke up.. My face was lyk puffer fish. I was sent to KK Hospital A&E straight away. They sae I was allergic to the medicine and injected some medicine to subsides it. Aft tt dae..I got a lot of this puffer fish even though I ddnt eat tt medicine anymore. I went in and out of the hospital as if it was my hm.. Doctor’s sae tt it was my immune system. It was too active. So there was a battle in my body!!! Aft a few more visits to the hospital, I was admitted to it. It was so sudden. It was during sch time !! Blah..blah..blah.. THE STUPID DOC DNT EVEN NOE WAT IM SUFFERING FM !!! They assume I tore my muscle.. Tearing of muscle will hurt everytime. For mine, it hurt certain time. It come and goes. MRI also ddnt detect anitink. Went to “bomoh” and was told tt there were 2 ghosts hanging onto me. Cool? Cool? NOT cool..

Back to the psychic thingy.. I haf a friend who kinda can feel the supernatural thingy. She can see the future too at some points. I dnt noe how to describe. It comes in her dreams. Yesterdae..

Friend: (In a serious tone) How did u fall tt time?
Me: On my butt..told u tt olreadi
Friend: I noe.. but how?
Me: I was holding my 3rd last tile..reaching up to my 2nd last tile..i kinda slip and fell..
Friend: Ouh..okae..u noe..I got this feeling u were being pulled
Me: Huh?
Friend: Sometink pulled u..tt y u fell..
Me: Ohh..okae..

And now it is bothering me soo much!! Shld I believe her?? Shld I not?? She nvr had been crappy u noe.. Whatever she had said to me in the past all came true. Shld I investigate? Shld I just let it go? PARANOID!!!!!!!!!

Thnx Fatin for supporting me.. I noe I will be back (I hope). And when I come back im gonna train u to be best like me. Haha.. U got the power in u!!!
Shawn, cheer up okae.. Dnt feel sad sad laa.. ltr I sad also noe.. Tell me wat happen soon okae.. SMILE!!!!!

Hasta La Vista..

I LOVE YOU BABY...

2008-11-01T20:38:00.009+08:00

MUHAMMAD SYUKRI BIN ANUAR, will u be mine? Teehees.. I love u soo soo much. Im really sowie I cnt go out wf u tmr aite. Promise me we’ll celebrate on the 17th olrite. Be my baby always =]

Love You So, Natalie

From the minute that you got my attention
I was taken and I have to mention
I was trying to not let it show
But I knew I wasn't gonna let you go
From the way that you came right to me
Looking all hot with the style that threw me
No one would've ever known it
You would be the one who take this heart and hold it

You got that extraordinary way
Got to be next to ya every single day
You do something that I just can't explain
Wanna take the chance and tell you you're the one for me

Ooh, I love you so
Just look in my eyes, they'll tell you where this could go
Yeah
Do you know it
Ooh, I love you so
Look in these eyes, they'll tell you where this could go
I just want you to know

You can can say anything you want to
No stress 'cause I understand you
We got a vibe you can't define
Want everyone know that boy is mine
We won't fight and stop and stare at the way you hold me
You take me there at times
I feel I lose control
Forget everyone but the hand I'm holding

You got that extraordinary way
Got to be next to ya every single day
You do something that I just can't explain
Wanna take the chance and tell you you're the one for me

Ooh, I love you so
Just look in my eyes, they'll tell you where this could go
Yeah
Can you feel it
Ooh, I love you so
Look in these eyes, they'll tell you where this could go
I just want you to know

Please know this
I'll always be right here
And you don't have to look
Nowhere else babe
Don't think for a minute
This love will change
Oh you should know that

Ooh, I love you so
Just look in my eyes, they'll tell you where this could go
Yeah
Can you feel it
Ooh, I love you so
Look in these eyes, they'll tell you where this could go
I just want you to know

Ooh, I love you so
Just look in my eyes, they'll tell you where this could go
Yeah
Can you feel it
Ooh, I love you so
Look in these eyes, they'll tell you where this could go
I just want you to know

Olrite2..i noe im getting mushy and all. So who care? My baby loves me.. And tt wat counts!! My back is aching. Aching real bad. I cnt sneeze, cough, get hiccups or burb.. It sucks rite? So sucky.. I was suppose to go to Yishun Polyclinic todae but I ddnt.. Teehees =P.. Im scared.. Scared of wat is bothering my back.. Scared of wat might happen.. Scared of everytink.

Hasta La Vista..

Rawrs !!!!! Hating..Hating..Hating..

2008-10-31T13:51:00.006+08:00

Noorul, im sowie if I ddnt layan u this few times..got a lot on my mind rite now and im just not in the mood to layan anyone.

Tmr is Climb On.. I really wanna go..really..big time !!!! Damn shit I cnt. And its all bcoz of my back. Why the hell must I injured my back? Why? Why now? Im sowie Syafiq..sowie Syahmi..sowie Iffah..coz of me we cnt be gg as a team tmr. It’s all my fault. And Syahmi, ur rite..we totally haf a high chance of winning. 4 of us are totally the best of the best (as juniors). Im really really sowie.. I screwed up big time. I’ve paid for it, got all over excited abt it..and now..*SIGH*

But not surprisingly, I kinda saw this moment’s long time ago. Actually, fm the start, no one actually approves me in Rock Climbing. None of my family members and im not gg to talk bout my aunts, uncles and couz.. They disapprove it more!! There’s just no blessing.. well, it was fun while it lasted.

Thnx Rena, Fatin, Aidil and Syafiq (also names tt are not mention). Thnx for everytink.. thnx for cheering me up aft the tragedy.. I’ll take care of myself tt’s for sure. Anyway, just dnt miss me too much okae.. im really not into gg back to the sports complex..esp u Aidil…no more challenging routes fm me..*SIGH*..no more disturbing me..*SIGH*..and no more bullying u..*SIGH*..

“Once a climber, always a climber” (im gonna rmbr this for the rest of my life!!!)..i noe im gonna climb again.. I noe I will.. I love it too much to let it go..

Dear Aidil,
Don’t worry so much ok bro. I know u can do it. I BELIEVE IN YOU.. And u should start doing that too. If u really want all those things I suggest u put all that as your target, your motivation to do better. Seriously, I know u can do it. U proves everybody wrong the last time bout your attitude. No one believes that u will change and everybody “hates” u for that. But look at u now.. U changed a lot. And that’s because u really want to change. U can do it again. Believe in yourself and have more determination to improve. U has a whole lot of good friends backing u when u falls. Don’t worry. Just do me a favor, don’t stop climbing? U don’t suck.. U just need assurance that people will be there for u, supporting u, cheering for u. And hell yeah, we all will!!! Those 3 yrs of climb shouldn’t be put to a waste. U learn a lot fm there.. Use it wisely. If u believes that it will not happen then yeah it will not happen. Think positive ok. Money wise, well I can’t say much. Everybody is having this issue from what I know. U’ll be able to go through it. I am sure of that. Cherios =]

The dae suck..yeah..i noe.. well, at least there’s sometink to look forward todae.. MY BABY IS COMING HM !!! yay !!!

Hasta La Vista..

Terrible..

2008-10-29T20:32:00.007+08:00

The first update..
Well, I dnt really noe wat to write. There’s a lot of stuff in my mind rite now. A lot has happen. A lot of screw ups in my life. Too much of wat I love.

Last sat, RP has its first ever competition and carnival. I was involved in all tt. Being in the top 5 for the mini-comps, the competition was compulsory for me. After tt, I was supposed to be the route judge for the carnival. Being so careless, I had a huge fell during the competition and landed on my butt. SERIOUSLY WRONG POSITION TO LAND!!! I injured my lower back and was nearly landed in hospital again. When I fell, the only thing tt was on my mind was to lie down. The pain was so…I dnt noe how to explain..it was too much.. I noe I cnt move. Staying still was the only thing I did. If I could, I wanted to pull my back off me. To pull out the unbearable pain. I dnt want to move. The medic came with 2 asst asking me where the pain is. No words came out fm my mouth. I was using everything I haf to cntl the pain. They carry me up to the wheelchair and brought me somewhere. I cried. And was breathless. I was still holding the pain down. At the back of my mind was an imagination of my life without Rock Climbing (I noe tt wasn’t wat I am suppose to think of at tt point but tt was wat I did). Rock Climbing means the world to me. It brings me joy and happiness. It took away my stress and keeps me alive. My heart is aching…..

Yesterdae, mum and dad fought. When ur parents fought, do they curse and swear to each other so tt the other party will die faster? Tt was wat they did ytd..dad wanted to kill himself aft tt..he was trying to get out f hm but my mum and sis blocked him. He went to the kitchen and opened the window. My sis cried out so loud and ran to hug my dad. She was consoling him one way and another. The house was in chaos and it was in the middle of the night. Looking at the situation, I was furious mad. There was an urge tt wanted to just shout out to them to shut up. It was affecting me real bad. Guess wat I did..i went back to my room, change into my jeans, took my hp and house key and went out the house. Yeah, tt’s wat I did. Went up to level 6 and look out to the park up front. I called my SweetPie and was bursting out everything to him. I cried and cried…..

Todae, im writing ALL THIS in my new blog..i dnt really noe the reason why I create this anyway.. haha..
1) Friends kept asking me to make one
2) Bf isn’t here to keep me busy and to entertain me..haiz..
3) Am really really super bored rite now (coz bf not here)
4) Kept changing my diary..so I thought of making something tt will stay intact
5) Bf is unreachable..
6) Im missing my bf too much..

**friends, u bttr thnk my bf when he is back okae..coz looking at the list above, its more lyk bcoz of him this blog was made.. Teehees =] Love you guys!!!

Hasta La Vista..